Well, new week...
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“Over the weekend, 11 Secret
Service agents were busted with prostitutes. …
Honestly, I don’t want to judge these people.
They’re role models who sacrifice so much for
others and so are the Secret Service.
Here’s what scares me though.
If a Secret Service guy can’t even go to a hooker
and keep it secret, what hope — ?”
Service agents were busted with prostitutes. …
Honestly, I don’t want to judge these people.
They’re role models who sacrifice so much for
others and so are the Secret Service.
Here’s what scares me though.
If a Secret Service guy can’t even go to a hooker
and keep it secret, what hope — ?”
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“President Obama talked about
the scandal today.
He said he’s reserving judgment until all the facts
are in or at least until he figures out a way to
blame this on Mitt Romney.”
“President Obama talked about
the scandal today.
He said he’s reserving judgment until all the facts
are in or at least until he figures out a way to
blame this on Mitt Romney.”
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Mommy finished telling her little girl all about the
making of babies.
The daughter was silent for a while taking it all in.
"You understand it now?" Mommy asked.
"Yes," replied her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens?
How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaimed.
"My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
making of babies.
The daughter was silent for a while taking it all in.
"You understand it now?" Mommy asked.
"Yes," replied her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens?
How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaimed.
"My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
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My four-year-old grandson and I visited the
cemetery together.
"Neil," I said, my mom and dad are your
great-grand-parents.
They're buried here."
Neil examined the names and dates on the grave
monument while I did some much-needed
weeding.
Suddenly I felt a tug on my sleeve.
Grandpa, " asked Neil, eyeing the small garden
spade in my hand, " you're not digging them up,
are you?"
cemetery together.
"Neil," I said, my mom and dad are your
great-grand-parents.
They're buried here."
Neil examined the names and dates on the grave
monument while I did some much-needed
weeding.
Suddenly I felt a tug on my sleeve.
Grandpa, " asked Neil, eyeing the small garden
spade in my hand, " you're not digging them up,
are you?"
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I got a phone call.....
The woman said, "Mr Jones?"
I said, "Speaking."
"This is the General Hospital.
Your wife was involved in a car accident."
I said, "Is she ok?"
"She's waiting to go into the operating room,
but she is conscious."
I said, "Thank god, can you ask her where my
clean shirt is?
I'm going out in an hour."
The woman said, "Mr Jones?"
I said, "Speaking."
"This is the General Hospital.
Your wife was involved in a car accident."
I said, "Is she ok?"
"She's waiting to go into the operating room,
but she is conscious."
I said, "Thank god, can you ask her where my
clean shirt is?
I'm going out in an hour."
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The man looked a little worried when the doctor
came in to administer his annual physical, so the
first thing the doctor did was to ask whether
anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the
patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car,
or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going,
or what it is I'm going to do once I get there --
if I get there.
So, I really need your help...... What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered
in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
came in to administer his annual physical, so the
first thing the doctor did was to ask whether
anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the
patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car,
or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going,
or what it is I'm going to do once I get there --
if I get there.
So, I really need your help...... What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered
in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
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Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he
does crying scenes.
does crying scenes.
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A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his
tatties (a Scots word for potatoes).
An American farmer looked over the fence and
said "In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger
than that!"
The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them
for our own mouths!"
tatties (a Scots word for potatoes).
An American farmer looked over the fence and
said "In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger
than that!"
The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them
for our own mouths!"
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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