••••
••
♥
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office
cafeteria.
"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?"
one asked.
"He got this harebrained notion he was going to
build a new kind of car" his co-worker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a
Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a
Caddy and, well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"Ten years in prison."
cafeteria.
"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?"
one asked.
"He got this harebrained notion he was going to
build a new kind of car" his co-worker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a
Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a
Caddy and, well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"Ten years in prison."
••
When I went back to the medical lab to have
some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery
of questions from the technician.
“Has your address changed?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Your phone number?”
“No.”
“What about your birthday?”
some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery
of questions from the technician.
“Has your address changed?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Your phone number?”
“No.”
“What about your birthday?”
••
Flex came home last night a little drunk
and went straight to bed.
As he started to get undressed he noticed a man
outside rummaging around in his car.
"HEY" he shouted from the bedroom window.
The fellow said, "What?"
Flex said, "You've got 10 seconds to get away
from my car before I call the police."
The fellow said, "You've got 5 seconds to get
out of my house before I break your legs."
and went straight to bed.
As he started to get undressed he noticed a man
outside rummaging around in his car.
"HEY" he shouted from the bedroom window.
The fellow said, "What?"
Flex said, "You've got 10 seconds to get away
from my car before I call the police."
The fellow said, "You've got 5 seconds to get
out of my house before I break your legs."
••
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym
instructors got together and said:
if we're going to charge $10 an hour,
we can't call it "jumping up and down."
instructors got together and said:
if we're going to charge $10 an hour,
we can't call it "jumping up and down."
♦
A blonde went to see a doctor and complained,
“I keep seeing spots before my eyes.”
The physician scratched his head,
“Have you seen an ophthalmologist?”
“No,” she said, “just spots.”
“I keep seeing spots before my eyes.”
The physician scratched his head,
“Have you seen an ophthalmologist?”
“No,” she said, “just spots.”
♦
After visiting her grandmother one afternoon,
our four-year-old returned home for dinner.
When I asked her what they had done besides
the usual cookie baking, she replied.
"Oh, we watched Grandma's favorite soap opera,
"The Young and the Rest of Us."
our four-year-old returned home for dinner.
When I asked her what they had done besides
the usual cookie baking, she replied.
"Oh, we watched Grandma's favorite soap opera,
"The Young and the Rest of Us."
••
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had
an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway,
if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway,
if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
••
Ode to cranky old men.......
I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
••••••
••••
