••••••
•••
♥
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role
in a major film.
In one scene the actor had to jump off a high
diving board in to a swimming pool.
He climbed to the top of the board, looked down
and promptly climbed down again.
`What’s the matter? asked the director.
`I can’t jump from that board! said the actor.....
`Do you know there’s only one foot of water in
that pool?
'Yes', said the director.
`We don’t want you to drown, you know'
in a major film.
In one scene the actor had to jump off a high
diving board in to a swimming pool.
He climbed to the top of the board, looked down
and promptly climbed down again.
`What’s the matter? asked the director.
`I can’t jump from that board! said the actor.....
`Do you know there’s only one foot of water in
that pool?
'Yes', said the director.
`We don’t want you to drown, you know'
••
Two boys touring an art gallery found themselves
alone in a room of avant-garde sculpture.
Staring at the twisted metal and shattered glass,
one of the youths turned to his companion and
said. "Let's get out of here before they accuse us
of wrecking this place."
alone in a room of avant-garde sculpture.
Staring at the twisted metal and shattered glass,
one of the youths turned to his companion and
said. "Let's get out of here before they accuse us
of wrecking this place."
••
We've just been informed that the Internal
Revenue Service has simplified its forms for this
year in the spirit of becoming a " kinder, gentler"
IRS It goes like this:
(A) How much did you make last year?_____
(B) How much do you have left?____
(C) Send in amount on line B
Revenue Service has simplified its forms for this
year in the spirit of becoming a " kinder, gentler"
IRS It goes like this:
(A) How much did you make last year?_____
(B) How much do you have left?____
(C) Send in amount on line B
••
Elvin Hayes, 6'10" Washington Bullets forward
was asked in a hotel lobby if he was a basketball
player:
No, I clean giraffe ears."
was asked in a hotel lobby if he was a basketball
player:
No, I clean giraffe ears."
••
THE FORK
was introduced in England in 1601.
Legend has it that when Queen Elizabeth l
first used a fork, the clergy went ballistic.
They felt it was an insult to God not to touch
meat with one's fingers.
was introduced in England in 1601.
Legend has it that when Queen Elizabeth l
first used a fork, the clergy went ballistic.
They felt it was an insult to God not to touch
meat with one's fingers.
••
A careful study of economics usually reveals that
the best time to buy anything is last year.
the best time to buy anything is last year.
••
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure.
By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared
for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern...
we've already notified our caterers."
contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure.
By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared
for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern...
we've already notified our caterers."
••
I've got this magical cow that can talk.
I keep it outside most of the time, but sometimes
you can hear it saying some hilarious things,
Like... 'Let me in, for God's sake, I'm your wife!'
I keep it outside most of the time, but sometimes
you can hear it saying some hilarious things,
Like... 'Let me in, for God's sake, I'm your wife!'
••
An accountant met a lawyer acquaintance in the
elevator.
"Nice weather we're having huh?" said the
accountant.
But as the attorney was about to reply,
the accountant realized what he had done.
"Don't answer!" the accountant shot out.
"I can't afford the fee for your opinion.
elevator.
"Nice weather we're having huh?" said the
accountant.
But as the attorney was about to reply,
the accountant realized what he had done.
"Don't answer!" the accountant shot out.
"I can't afford the fee for your opinion.
••
When my daughter, Susan, said her bedtime
prayers, she would bless every family member,
every friend, and every animal (current and past).
prayers, she would bless every family member,
every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer,
Susan would say, "And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine,
to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,
"Susan, why do you always add the part about all
girls?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish
their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
This soon became part of her nightly routine,
to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,
"Susan, why do you always add the part about all
girls?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish
their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"
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