Ready for some Laffs??
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♥
I was in the garage this morning when Dave the
mechanic said, "your mother-in-law brought her
vehicle in here earlier for servicing."
I replied, "I didn't know you repaired brooms in
here as well."
mechanic said, "your mother-in-law brought her
vehicle in here earlier for servicing."
I replied, "I didn't know you repaired brooms in
here as well."
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A lady calls her husband at work "the light in the
bathroom burned out.
how do i change it?"
he says "first, fill the tub with water..."
bathroom burned out.
how do i change it?"
he says "first, fill the tub with water..."
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This guy was watching TV as his wife was out
cutting the grass during the hot summer.
He finally worked up the energy to go out and
ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his wife was quite irritated about him
sitting in the air conditioned house all day while
she did all the work, so she scolded him.
“I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper
right now!
Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure
dinner out yourself.”
So, he went back in the house and fixed himself
a big steak with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall
glass of iced tea.
His wife finally walked in about the time he was
finishing up and asked him, “You fixed
something to eat? So, where’s mine?”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
cutting the grass during the hot summer.
He finally worked up the energy to go out and
ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his wife was quite irritated about him
sitting in the air conditioned house all day while
she did all the work, so she scolded him.
“I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper
right now!
Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure
dinner out yourself.”
So, he went back in the house and fixed himself
a big steak with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall
glass of iced tea.
His wife finally walked in about the time he was
finishing up and asked him, “You fixed
something to eat? So, where’s mine?”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
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Services will be held at 10:00 AM tomorrow.
Services will be held at 10:00 AM tomorrow.
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old
brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat
of the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned
mother.
Johnny replied: "that man said that he hoped
our baby would be raised in a good Christian
home... I just want her to stay with you guys."
brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat
of the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned
mother.
Johnny replied: "that man said that he hoped
our baby would be raised in a good Christian
home... I just want her to stay with you guys."
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Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a
thousand dollars?"
Defendant: "Yes, it's true."
Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?"
Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."
thousand dollars?"
Defendant: "Yes, it's true."
Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?"
Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."
••
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met
his friend "Ole" outside the Jewelry Store.
Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped
box in his hand.
Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks.
Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven,
"It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow And vhen I
asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her
birthday, Lena said, “Oh, I dun know, dear, yust
give me something with vots of diamonds.
"So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks.
Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of
cards."
his friend "Ole" outside the Jewelry Store.
Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped
box in his hand.
Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks.
Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven,
"It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow And vhen I
asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her
birthday, Lena said, “Oh, I dun know, dear, yust
give me something with vots of diamonds.
"So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks.
Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of
cards."
••
Although they were being married in New
Hampshire, a couple wanted to add a touch of
their home state, Kansas, to the wedding,
so they planned to have wheat rather than rice
thrown after the ceremony.
Some friends remarked, "It's a good thing they're
not from Idaho!"
Hampshire, a couple wanted to add a touch of
their home state, Kansas, to the wedding,
so they planned to have wheat rather than rice
thrown after the ceremony.
Some friends remarked, "It's a good thing they're
not from Idaho!"
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A woman said to her friend: "Whenever I'm down
in the dumps I buy myself a dress."
"Really?" said the friend.
"I've always wondered where you got them."
in the dumps I buy myself a dress."
"Really?" said the friend.
"I've always wondered where you got them."
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One afternoon, three young mathematicians
walked slowly into a railway station in
Philadelphia.
They were so deep in conversation about a
complex problem involving probability and
percentages that they failed to hear the
announcement that the express train to
California was about to leave, however,
as they walked onto the platform they noticed
that the train was beginning to pull away.
Alarmed they ran after it.
Two of them managed to leap aboard in the nick
of time.
A station porter noticed the remaining young
man looking glum.
"Don't be so upset that you missed the train,"
he said.
"Two out of three isn't bad.
"But you don't understand," replied the
mathematician.
"They only came to see me off."
walked slowly into a railway station in
Philadelphia.
They were so deep in conversation about a
complex problem involving probability and
percentages that they failed to hear the
announcement that the express train to
California was about to leave, however,
as they walked onto the platform they noticed
that the train was beginning to pull away.
Alarmed they ran after it.
Two of them managed to leap aboard in the nick
of time.
A station porter noticed the remaining young
man looking glum.
"Don't be so upset that you missed the train,"
he said.
"Two out of three isn't bad.
"But you don't understand," replied the
mathematician.
"They only came to see me off."
••
You use 200 muscles to take ONE STEP..
No wonder I'm always so tired!
No wonder I'm always so tired!
♦♦
One day he got a note from home.
It said, "Dear Son, your mom and I enjoyed your
last e-mail.
Of course, we were much younger then.
It was back in the days when we still sent large
checks in the mail.
Love Dad"
One day he got a note from home.
It said, "Dear Son, your mom and I enjoyed your
last e-mail.
Of course, we were much younger then.
It was back in the days when we still sent large
checks in the mail.
Love Dad"
♦♦
Visiting a new port is always exciting, and when
our destroyer docked in Kiel, Germany, it was no
different.
In fact, one of my men was awestruck.
“Look, Chief,” he whispered excitedly.
“They have Volkswagens over here too!”
Visiting a new port is always exciting, and when
our destroyer docked in Kiel, Germany, it was no
different.
In fact, one of my men was awestruck.
“Look, Chief,” he whispered excitedly.
“They have Volkswagens over here too!”
••
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas."
