••
•••••••••••••••
•••••••••
•••
♥
Flex to his friend…
My mother in law died yesterday, I am trying
to cry, But tears are not coming out,
What do I do?
Friend: No problem, just imagine she is back.....
My mother in law died yesterday, I am trying
to cry, But tears are not coming out,
What do I do?
Friend: No problem, just imagine she is back.....
••
Teacher : What is the longest word in the English
language?
Little Johnny : Smiles
Teacher : How?
Little Johnny : There is a mile between the first
and last letters!
language?
Little Johnny : Smiles
Teacher : How?
Little Johnny : There is a mile between the first
and last letters!
••
A man is hired by the circus to perform a
necessary but rather unpleasant task.
He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the
center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as t
hey walk about.
After a rather difficult evening at work,
he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other
workers, and begins complaining about his work.
"It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge
beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside
the dung they produce.
My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a
mess, and I'll have to shower before I return
home, because of the stink."
His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just
quit this miserable job and find something more
rewarding to do.
You have to have some skills and talents that you
can put to use somewhere else."
He looks at them, stunned: "You know,
you're probably right, but I just can't give up the
glamour of show business!"
necessary but rather unpleasant task.
He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the
center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as t
hey walk about.
After a rather difficult evening at work,
he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other
workers, and begins complaining about his work.
"It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge
beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside
the dung they produce.
My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a
mess, and I'll have to shower before I return
home, because of the stink."
His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just
quit this miserable job and find something more
rewarding to do.
You have to have some skills and talents that you
can put to use somewhere else."
He looks at them, stunned: "You know,
you're probably right, but I just can't give up the
glamour of show business!"
••
A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the
last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this
horrible odor coming from the direction of the
drunk.
She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister,
but did you just shit yourself?"
The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed
shit myself."
The woman says, "Well, why don't you go
somewhere and clean yourself up?"
The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."
last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this
horrible odor coming from the direction of the
drunk.
She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister,
but did you just shit yourself?"
The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed
shit myself."
The woman says, "Well, why don't you go
somewhere and clean yourself up?"
The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."
••
It seems that Davey Jones has taken the last
train to Clarksville........
Couldn't believe that Davy Jones had died till
I picked the paper up and then i saw his face.
now i'm a believer.....
train to Clarksville........
Couldn't believe that Davy Jones had died till
I picked the paper up and then i saw his face.
now i'm a believer.....
••
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked,
"On the night of July 16th last, at approximately
11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as
'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual
relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the
best of your knowledge, have a climax?"
the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure...
he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."
"On the night of July 16th last, at approximately
11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as
'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual
relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the
best of your knowledge, have a climax?"
the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure...
he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."
••
I'm such a loser, i was shadow boxing today
and the shadow beat the crap out of me!
and the shadow beat the crap out of me!
••
Man: I'd like a magaician's set for my son.
Sales clerk: Is he a beginner?
Man: No! He's been practising the sawing-people-
in-half trick for years.
Sales clerk: Is he an only child.
Man: No, No! .......
He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters...
Sales clerk: Is he a beginner?
Man: No! He's been practising the sawing-people-
in-half trick for years.
Sales clerk: Is he an only child.
Man: No, No! .......
He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters...
••
The best daredevil of all time is Evel Knievel.
You have no choice but to be a daredevil when
your parents name you Evel.
You can't be a florist or psychotherapist.
The best daredevil of all time is Evel Knievel.
You have no choice but to be a daredevil when
your parents name you Evel.
You can't be a florist or psychotherapist.
••
I was in small-claims court when I listened in on
the case of a woman who held a good job but still
had trouble paying her bills on time.
“Can’t you live within your income?”
asked the judge.
“No, Your Honor,” she said.
“It’s all I can do to live within my credit.”
the case of a woman who held a good job but still
had trouble paying her bills on time.
“Can’t you live within your income?”
asked the judge.
“No, Your Honor,” she said.
“It’s all I can do to live within my credit.”
••
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
••
A police car pulls up in front of
Grandma Bessie's house, and Grandpa Morris
gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly
gentleman said that he was lost in the park...
and couldn't find his way home.
"Oy vey, Morris, " said Grandma,
"You've been going to that park for over 30 years!
So how could you get lost?"
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman
couldn't hear, Morris whispered,
"I wasn't lost...I was just too tired to walk home."
Grandma Bessie's house, and Grandpa Morris
gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly
gentleman said that he was lost in the park...
and couldn't find his way home.
"Oy vey, Morris, " said Grandma,
"You've been going to that park for over 30 years!
So how could you get lost?"
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman
couldn't hear, Morris whispered,
"I wasn't lost...I was just too tired to walk home."
••
•
