•••••••••••••••7
••••••••••
•••••
♥
It's starting......
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian
cruise ships? - On the rocks....
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on
Italian cruise ships? - Leeks...
# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian
cruise ship? - Follow the captain...
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa
Concordia was asked if he knew where he was
going he replied "off course."
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will
soon be in the dock.
That's more than can be said for his ship.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most
expensive thing to go down in Italy since
Berlusconi's last hooker.
# What's the difference between the Italian
economy and the stricken cruise liner
Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.
cruise ships? - On the rocks....
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on
Italian cruise ships? - Leeks...
# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian
cruise ship? - Follow the captain...
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa
Concordia was asked if he knew where he was
going he replied "off course."
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will
soon be in the dock.
That's more than can be said for his ship.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most
expensive thing to go down in Italy since
Berlusconi's last hooker.
# What's the difference between the Italian
economy and the stricken cruise liner
Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.
•
My wife is mad at me again....
She says i never finish anyth
She says i never finish anyth
••
"Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless
phone.
phone.
••
This guy in NYC is walking down a back alley at
night and he hears someone yelling "Help, help".
He looks behind the dumpster and two thugs are
robbing an old lady and trying to steal her purse.
She won't let go.
The guy thinks about it for a second and says
should I run away or help?
He finally decides to help and says
" Thank God I helped because it took three of
us to get the purse from that old lady"
night and he hears someone yelling "Help, help".
He looks behind the dumpster and two thugs are
robbing an old lady and trying to steal her purse.
She won't let go.
The guy thinks about it for a second and says
should I run away or help?
He finally decides to help and says
" Thank God I helped because it took three of
us to get the purse from that old lady"
••
Tehran is cranking out nukes like Malibu cranks
out Kardashians.
out Kardashians.
••
A lady woke one morning, looked in the mirror,
and noticed that she had only three hairs on her
head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did, and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and noticed she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair in
the middle today."
So she did, and she had a great day.
The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror
and noticed that she had only one hair on her
head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll wear my hair in a
ponytail."
So she did, and she had a grand day.
The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror
and saw that there wasn't a single hair on her
head.
"Yea," she exclaimed.
"I don't have to fix my hair today."
Attitude is everything!
and noticed that she had only three hairs on her
head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did, and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and noticed she had only two hairs on her head.
"Hmmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair in
the middle today."
So she did, and she had a great day.
The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror
and noticed that she had only one hair on her
head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll wear my hair in a
ponytail."
So she did, and she had a grand day.
The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror
and saw that there wasn't a single hair on her
head.
"Yea," she exclaimed.
"I don't have to fix my hair today."
Attitude is everything!
••
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
••
It was their first date, and she'd shown the
patience of a saint as he babbled on and on
about his hobbies.
His pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even
the standards he used to choose his barber.
Finally, he came up for air and said,
"But enough about me. Let's talk about you."
She breathed a sigh of relief.
He went on, "What do you think about me?"
patience of a saint as he babbled on and on
about his hobbies.
His pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even
the standards he used to choose his barber.
Finally, he came up for air and said,
"But enough about me. Let's talk about you."
She breathed a sigh of relief.
He went on, "What do you think about me?"
••
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
••
Toyota and Chevrolet have decided to put plans
for the Toyota together with the Chevrolet, and
come up with a new car....
They tried it and all they got was a Toylet.
for the Toyota together with the Chevrolet, and
come up with a new car....
They tried it and all they got was a Toylet.
••
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,
the smoking section on this airplane is on the
wing and if you can light 'em,
you can smoke 'em."
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,
the smoking section on this airplane is on the
wing and if you can light 'em,
you can smoke 'em."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
