Good Morning...
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Working in aviation, I was doing the night shift
at the airport directing the planes in and out.
All of a sudden the radio crackles and I hear a
young voice request permission to approach the
runway to land.
I ask for a name, and he replies, “guess who?”
I turned off the runway lights and said,
“guess where?!”
at the airport directing the planes in and out.
All of a sudden the radio crackles and I hear a
young voice request permission to approach the
runway to land.
I ask for a name, and he replies, “guess who?”
I turned off the runway lights and said,
“guess where?!”
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A man and his wife agreed that any time they
wanted to make love they would call it a
''PHONE CALL''
One day the husband send his son to tell his
mother that he wanted a ''phone call'.....
Mom replied tell daddy she doesn't have network...
Husband: Tell your mother if there is no
network I will go to public phone...
Mother: Tell your dad if he dares to go 2 public
phone I will open call center at home!
A man and his wife agreed that any time they
wanted to make love they would call it a
''PHONE CALL''
One day the husband send his son to tell his
mother that he wanted a ''phone call'.....
Mom replied tell daddy she doesn't have network...
Husband: Tell your mother if there is no
network I will go to public phone...
Mother: Tell your dad if he dares to go 2 public
phone I will open call center at home!
••
I got a new job at a car dealership and my
mother-in-law asked for a compact form of
transportation for Christmas.....
I bought her a wisk broom ..
I got a new job at a car dealership and my
mother-in-law asked for a compact form of
transportation for Christmas.....
I bought her a wisk broom ..
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Two excited elderly women were sitting together
in the front pew of church listening to a fiery
preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of lust,
these two ladies cried out at the tops of their
lungs..."AMEN, BROTHER!"
When the preacher condemned the sin of
stealing, they yelled again...
"PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of
lying...they jumped to their feet and screamed,
"RIGHT ON, BROTHER...TELL IT LIKE IT IS...
AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of
gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to
the other and said, "He's done quit preaching
and now he's just meddlin'."
in the front pew of church listening to a fiery
preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of lust,
these two ladies cried out at the tops of their
lungs..."AMEN, BROTHER!"
When the preacher condemned the sin of
stealing, they yelled again...
"PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of
lying...they jumped to their feet and screamed,
"RIGHT ON, BROTHER...TELL IT LIKE IT IS...
AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of
gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to
the other and said, "He's done quit preaching
and now he's just meddlin'."
••
Wal-Mart is now considering selling wine from
vending machines.
As a precaution, the machine requires that you
swipe your driver’s license first.
If you're buying wine from a vending machine,
what are the odds you still have a driver’s license?
Wal-Mart is now considering selling wine from
vending machines.
As a precaution, the machine requires that you
swipe your driver’s license first.
If you're buying wine from a vending machine,
what are the odds you still have a driver’s license?
Things are getting so bad around my place that
the repo men just took my walker.
the repo men just took my walker.
"Hello, Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind
the counter of the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew
complete blanks.
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.
"Yeah, you was my English teacher."
Leaning over, my husband whispered,
"Good job, honey...... Good job.
the counter of the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew
complete blanks.
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.
"Yeah, you was my English teacher."
Leaning over, my husband whispered,
"Good job, honey...... Good job.
••
A drunk Irishman was going home early morning,
with a bottle of booze under his coat, and ran
into a priest.
The priest asked him what was under his coat,
so he replied: “Holy water.”
The priest asked if he could have some.
The priest opened the bottle and said:
This smells like whisky!”
The Drunk exclaimed: “Praise be to God,
a miracle!”
with a bottle of booze under his coat, and ran
into a priest.
The priest asked him what was under his coat,
so he replied: “Holy water.”
The priest asked if he could have some.
The priest opened the bottle and said:
This smells like whisky!”
The Drunk exclaimed: “Praise be to God,
a miracle!”
••
Searching in the mall for a comfy cotton
nightgown, Hannah decided to try her luck in a
shop renowned for its sexy lingerie, without
much hope of finding something suitable.
However, to her delight, she found the perfect
nightdress.
Moreover, while waiting in line to purchase her
selection, she noticed a young woman behind
her holding the exact same nightie.
This proved what she had long suspected;
despite being in her forties, she had kept up
more than adquately with current fashions.
"I see we have the same taste," she said,
somewhat proudly, to the teenager behind her.
"Yes" the young woman replied.
"I'm getting this for my grandma."
nightgown, Hannah decided to try her luck in a
shop renowned for its sexy lingerie, without
much hope of finding something suitable.
However, to her delight, she found the perfect
nightdress.
Moreover, while waiting in line to purchase her
selection, she noticed a young woman behind
her holding the exact same nightie.
This proved what she had long suspected;
despite being in her forties, she had kept up
more than adquately with current fashions.
"I see we have the same taste," she said,
somewhat proudly, to the teenager behind her.
"Yes" the young woman replied.
"I'm getting this for my grandma."
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A steak fanatic, my father always picks out cuts
that include a bone because he loves to nibble on
it.
One night Father and I were finishing our
dinners at a steakhouse, and I could tell he
wanted to start gnawing on the bone.
But he couldn't bear to do so in public.
"Excuse me." he said, calling the waitress over,
"would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?
that include a bone because he loves to nibble on
it.
One night Father and I were finishing our
dinners at a steakhouse, and I could tell he
wanted to start gnawing on the bone.
But he couldn't bear to do so in public.
"Excuse me." he said, calling the waitress over,
"would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?
Father has never owned a dog in his life,
but the white lie seemed a tacful solution to his dilemma.
A few minutes later the waitress returned to our
table.
"Here's your bone sir," she said, handing over a
large package.
"And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few
more out of the scrap bucket."
A few minutes later the waitress returned to our
table.
"Here's your bone sir," she said, handing over a
large package.
"And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few
more out of the scrap bucket."
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