A nice day ahead of us....
••
He fixed it......
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••••••••
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♥
Have you heard about the new cure for baldness?
Preparation H.
It won't grow you any hair, but it will shrink your
head to fit what you have.
Preparation H.
It won't grow you any hair, but it will shrink your
head to fit what you have.
••
We’d finally built our dream home, but the
contractor had a concern: the placement of an
atrium window for our walk-in shower.
"I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good
view of you au naturel," he said.
My middle-aged wife put him at ease.
"Don’t worry," she said.
"They’ll only look once."
contractor had a concern: the placement of an
atrium window for our walk-in shower.
"I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good
view of you au naturel," he said.
My middle-aged wife put him at ease.
"Don’t worry," she said.
"They’ll only look once."
••
I just killed a huge spider
crawling along the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals
my shoe.
crawling along the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals
my shoe.
••
Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which
measures the power of tornados.
But nobody really knows what all those types of
twisters do to COWS.
So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
M0 Tornado - Cows in an open field are spun
around parallel to the wind flow and become
mildly annoyed.
M1 Tornado - Cows are tipped over and can't get
up.
M2 Tornado - Cows begin rolling with the wind.
M3 Tornado - Cows tumble and bounce.
M4 Tornado - Cows are AIRBORN.
M5 Tornado - S T E A K ! ! !
measures the power of tornados.
But nobody really knows what all those types of
twisters do to COWS.
So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
M0 Tornado - Cows in an open field are spun
around parallel to the wind flow and become
mildly annoyed.
M1 Tornado - Cows are tipped over and can't get
up.
M2 Tornado - Cows begin rolling with the wind.
M3 Tornado - Cows tumble and bounce.
M4 Tornado - Cows are AIRBORN.
M5 Tornado - S T E A K ! ! !
••
Why the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs.....
Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.
Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.
••
He told his wife that
A man is like a fine wine.....
He always gets better with age.
The next day she locked him in the wine cellar.
A man is like a fine wine.....
He always gets better with age.
The next day she locked him in the wine cellar.
••
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King,
and got one.
and got one.
••
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a
bus stop where two American tourists are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Español?" Still nothing.
The Swiss man drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign
language."
"Why?" says the other.
"That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do
him any good."
bus stop where two American tourists are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Español?" Still nothing.
The Swiss man drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign
language."
"Why?" says the other.
"That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do
him any good."
••
