••
It's Over...Bubba....
Too many green beers??
Better let him ride with someone else....
••••••••••••••
•••••••••
••••
♥
An Irishman, walking near the golf course,
got hit by a golf ball.
The golfer hurried to the scene and found Paddy
not seriously hurt.
“Why didn’t you get out of the way?”
“Why should I? I didn’t know there were
murderers nearby.”
“But I called ‘fore’.
When I call ‘fore’ that’s a sign for you to get out
of the way.”
“Oh really?
When I say ‘five’ that means you’re going to get
your jaw smashed.
got hit by a golf ball.
The golfer hurried to the scene and found Paddy
not seriously hurt.
“Why didn’t you get out of the way?”
“Why should I? I didn’t know there were
murderers nearby.”
“But I called ‘fore’.
When I call ‘fore’ that’s a sign for you to get out
of the way.”
“Oh really?
When I say ‘five’ that means you’re going to get
your jaw smashed.
‘Five!’
••
Judge to policeman: “ But if a man is on his knees
in the middle of the road, does that prove him
drunk?”
Policeman: “ No, Your Honour, but this one was
trying to roll up the white line.”
in the middle of the road, does that prove him
drunk?”
Policeman: “ No, Your Honour, but this one was
trying to roll up the white line.”
••
A Briton, an American and an Irishman were
discussing their countries’ space program.
Brit: We are sending a rocket to Mars......
American: So what?
We have already explored all the planets in our
solar system.
We are now exploring other galaxies.
Irish: We are sending a rocket to the Sun.
Others: But it will melt!
Irish: No it won’t. We’ll send it at night.
discussing their countries’ space program.
Brit: We are sending a rocket to Mars......
American: So what?
We have already explored all the planets in our
solar system.
We are now exploring other galaxies.
Irish: We are sending a rocket to the Sun.
Others: But it will melt!
Irish: No it won’t. We’ll send it at night.
••
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on
the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or
12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
Sad but true!
the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or
12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
Sad but true!
••
Ever notice that people never say "It's only a
game when they're winning?"
game when they're winning?"
••
Two men were playing golf together for the first
time.
The first player teed off and hit the ball into a
clump of trees.
Finally on the fairway, he swung again and sliced
a new ball into a deep water hazard.
A third swing resulted in a new ball flying over
the fence onto a busy street.
The second player said, "You should use an
old ball."
The first player said, "I never had an old ball!"
time.
The first player teed off and hit the ball into a
clump of trees.
Finally on the fairway, he swung again and sliced
a new ball into a deep water hazard.
A third swing resulted in a new ball flying over
the fence onto a busy street.
The second player said, "You should use an
old ball."
The first player said, "I never had an old ball!"
••
A large, clumsy umbrella is the best protection
against a downpour.
You can rest assure that there will be no rain as
long as you are carrying one.
against a downpour.
You can rest assure that there will be no rain as
long as you are carrying one.
••
My friend Lorraine and her husband Jim, have a
beautiful, lively dog named Ben.
One night Ben decided to ignore Jim when he
called him in from the backyard.
Eventually Jim became frustrated and yelled,
"Ben, get your backside in here now!"
A short time later the doorbell rang.
The man at the door offered his hand and said,
"Hi, I'm your new neighbour, Ben."
beautiful, lively dog named Ben.
One night Ben decided to ignore Jim when he
called him in from the backyard.
Eventually Jim became frustrated and yelled,
"Ben, get your backside in here now!"
A short time later the doorbell rang.
The man at the door offered his hand and said,
"Hi, I'm your new neighbour, Ben."
••
I once admitted a lady in her eighties.
In going over her admission health profile I was
asking her questions to clarify the boxes she had
checked.
I got to the box where she checked "Emotional
Problems" and asked her to clarify what she had
wrong.
She just sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
"I have had seven children.
If that isn't enough to make someone nuts,
I don't know what is."
In going over her admission health profile I was
asking her questions to clarify the boxes she had
checked.
I got to the box where she checked "Emotional
Problems" and asked her to clarify what she had
wrong.
She just sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
"I have had seven children.
If that isn't enough to make someone nuts,
I don't know what is."
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
