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♥
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and
noticed him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was
preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and
hissing and ran back To the open window to see
Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that!
The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
"He should have thought about that before he
joined my church."
noticed him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was
preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and
hissing and ran back To the open window to see
Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that!
The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
"He should have thought about that before he
joined my church."
••
I've been talking to the press about my battle
with mental illness.
Then thanked it for putting perfect creases in my
trousers.
with mental illness.
Then thanked it for putting perfect creases in my
trousers.
••
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a
Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into
the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins
at birth, because that is when the baby becomes
an individual and is capable of making its own
decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi.
"Life begins when the children have graduated
and moved out of the house."
Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into
the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins
at birth, because that is when the baby becomes
an individual and is capable of making its own
decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi.
"Life begins when the children have graduated
and moved out of the house."
••
The other week I tried to get on an airplane,
but they sent me home to PUT ON some clothes.
(Here I thought it would be easier for TSA . . . .
but what do I know . . . .)
but they sent me home to PUT ON some clothes.
(Here I thought it would be easier for TSA . . . .
but what do I know . . . .)
••
word is going around that...
Robbie Kneivel, evel's son, is going to attempt to
jump 1,000 o'bama supporters with a D9...
apparently tickets are going fast...
Robbie Kneivel, evel's son, is going to attempt to
jump 1,000 o'bama supporters with a D9...
apparently tickets are going fast...
••
The concierge at a posh resort was often asked
about the ski facilities.
One day a couple who had just checked in after
a long flight came by and asked me where the lift
was.
"Go down the hill," he told them, "out the door,
past the pool, 200 yards down the block,
and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more
exhausted until the man behind them spoke up.
"They're from Ireland," he said.
"I think they're looking for the elevator."
about the ski facilities.
One day a couple who had just checked in after
a long flight came by and asked me where the lift
was.
"Go down the hill," he told them, "out the door,
past the pool, 200 yards down the block,
and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more
exhausted until the man behind them spoke up.
"They're from Ireland," he said.
"I think they're looking for the elevator."
••
In the news today A drunken hit & run driver
was apprehended after many collisions & a high
speed chase, It turned out to be an Irish
immigrant.
The name released at the time of booking was
"Rick O'Shay"
In the news today A drunken hit & run driver
was apprehended after many collisions & a high
speed chase, It turned out to be an Irish
immigrant.
The name released at the time of booking was
"Rick O'Shay"
••
Katie and Moira are old friends.
They have both been married to their husbands
for a long time.
Katie is upset because she thinks her husband
doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!"
she complains to Moira.
"What a pity," says Moira.
As I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day.
"All well and good, says Katie, but your husband's
an antique dealer!"
They have both been married to their husbands
for a long time.
Katie is upset because she thinks her husband
doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!"
she complains to Moira.
"What a pity," says Moira.
As I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day.
"All well and good, says Katie, but your husband's
an antique dealer!"
••
A wealthy couple from Texas were touring Ireland
and found themselves in a tiny rural village at
lunchtime.
The only place serving food was a somewhat
rustic looking cafe which in their opinion, had
seen better days.
Having no other choice, they carefully stepped
over the pooch snoozing on the threshold and
went inside.
As they sat down, the husband frowned as he
brushed some crumbs from his chair and his
wife did likewise as she wiped the table with her
napkin.
The waitress came over and asked if they would
like to see a menu.
"No thanks," said the husband.
"I'll just have a cup of tea with cream and sugar.
"I'll have the same", his wife said.
"And please make sure the cup is clean."
Unphased by the rudeness of the remark,
the waitress smiled and marched off into the
kitchen.
A few minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of tea," she announced in her lovely
lilting Irish brogue...
"And which one of you was it who wanted the
clean cup?"
and found themselves in a tiny rural village at
lunchtime.
The only place serving food was a somewhat
rustic looking cafe which in their opinion, had
seen better days.
Having no other choice, they carefully stepped
over the pooch snoozing on the threshold and
went inside.
As they sat down, the husband frowned as he
brushed some crumbs from his chair and his
wife did likewise as she wiped the table with her
napkin.
The waitress came over and asked if they would
like to see a menu.
"No thanks," said the husband.
"I'll just have a cup of tea with cream and sugar.
"I'll have the same", his wife said.
"And please make sure the cup is clean."
Unphased by the rudeness of the remark,
the waitress smiled and marched off into the
kitchen.
A few minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of tea," she announced in her lovely
lilting Irish brogue...
"And which one of you was it who wanted the
clean cup?"
••
Breaking News: "Vampire attacks Irishman".....
"and immediately dies of alcohol poisoning!"
Details at 11
"and immediately dies of alcohol poisoning!"
Details at 11
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