A warm Friday Morning...
Ready for the weekend?
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Amos comes home from his doctor's office and is
sporting a new outfit, Dressed from head to toe.
Nashia looks at amos and asks what the hell is
this all about the new clothes and shit
The doctor told me I was impotent,
so I thougt I should look the part.
sporting a new outfit, Dressed from head to toe.
Nashia looks at amos and asks what the hell is
this all about the new clothes and shit
The doctor told me I was impotent,
so I thougt I should look the part.
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I took my son's goldfish to the vet today but it
died just before we got there.
I knew I should have put some air holes in the
cardboard box.
died just before we got there.
I knew I should have put some air holes in the
cardboard box.
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (of Iran), not feeling well
and concerned about his mortality, goes to
consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the
realm of the future she finds the answer:
"You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?" Ahmadinejad asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter Mr.. President," replied the
psychic. "Whenever you die,
it'll be a Jewish holiday."
and concerned about his mortality, goes to
consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the
realm of the future she finds the answer:
"You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?" Ahmadinejad asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter Mr.. President," replied the
psychic. "Whenever you die,
it'll be a Jewish holiday."
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When my wife's sister, Patty, was very young,
she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy
named Rory, over to spend the night.
As the children grew toward adolescence, their
parents knew that someday the sleepovers would
have to end.
One night, when Rory and his family were
visiting, everyone gathered around the television
to watch the Rose of Tralee pageant.
When Patty asked if Rory could stay over,
the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had
finally come to discontinue the tradition.
At that moment, the pageant host announced a
contestant's measurements: 36-22-36.
"Rory," his mother asked, "what are those
numbers?"
The boy thought for only a moment before
responding, "Ninety-four?"
Rory was allowed to stay.
she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy
named Rory, over to spend the night.
As the children grew toward adolescence, their
parents knew that someday the sleepovers would
have to end.
One night, when Rory and his family were
visiting, everyone gathered around the television
to watch the Rose of Tralee pageant.
When Patty asked if Rory could stay over,
the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had
finally come to discontinue the tradition.
At that moment, the pageant host announced a
contestant's measurements: 36-22-36.
"Rory," his mother asked, "what are those
numbers?"
The boy thought for only a moment before
responding, "Ninety-four?"
Rory was allowed to stay.
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Chuck Norris doesnt call the wrong number...
you answer the wrong phone.....
you answer the wrong phone.....
••
For many years Kate Murphy had run the fruit
and vegetable stall in the town market and she'd
learned to have an answer for any situation.
So there she stood, watching the big Texan who
was poking around the stall.
'Hey, what are these?' he asked.
'Apples,' said Kate.
'Apples?' laughed the Yank.
'Why, in Texas we have apples twice that size!
And what are these?'
'Those are potatoes,' said Kate.
'Potatoes?
'Where I come from, bragged the Texan, our
potatoes are twice as big at least,'
Just then he picked up a cabbage, but before he
could speak Kate said:
'If you're not buying Brussels sprouts,
you'd best be putting that down.'
and vegetable stall in the town market and she'd
learned to have an answer for any situation.
So there she stood, watching the big Texan who
was poking around the stall.
'Hey, what are these?' he asked.
'Apples,' said Kate.
'Apples?' laughed the Yank.
'Why, in Texas we have apples twice that size!
And what are these?'
'Those are potatoes,' said Kate.
'Potatoes?
'Where I come from, bragged the Texan, our
potatoes are twice as big at least,'
Just then he picked up a cabbage, but before he
could speak Kate said:
'If you're not buying Brussels sprouts,
you'd best be putting that down.'
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A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says,
"I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your
liquor..."
"I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your
liquor..."
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