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♥
I finally convinced my mother that it was a good
idea for her to learn to text.
Her first message to me?
idea for her to learn to text.
Her first message to me?
“Whereisthespacebar?”
••
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.
On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.
His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under
his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a
water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and
Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six
inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved
around the hole instead of going in.
"HOOVER!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his
curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest
said 'Hoover'.
"It's the biggest dam I know," said the priest.
On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.
His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under
his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a
water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and
Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six
inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved
around the hole instead of going in.
"HOOVER!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his
curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest
said 'Hoover'.
"It's the biggest dam I know," said the priest.
••
A priest was walking along the corridor of the
parochial school near the preschool wing when
a group of little ones were trotting by on the way
to the cafeteria.
One little boy stopped and looked at him in his
clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress
funny?"
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform
priests wear.
The little boy pointed to the priest's plastic collar
tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to
him the collar tab looked like a band-aid.
So the priest took it out and handed it to the little
boy, to show him.
On the back of the tab were raised letters giving
the name of the manufacturer.
The boy felt the letters, and the priest asked,
"Do you know what those words say?"
"Yes I do," replied the young boy, who was not old
enough to read.
Peering intently at the letters he said,
"Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"
parochial school near the preschool wing when
a group of little ones were trotting by on the way
to the cafeteria.
One little boy stopped and looked at him in his
clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress
funny?"
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform
priests wear.
The little boy pointed to the priest's plastic collar
tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to
him the collar tab looked like a band-aid.
So the priest took it out and handed it to the little
boy, to show him.
On the back of the tab were raised letters giving
the name of the manufacturer.
The boy felt the letters, and the priest asked,
"Do you know what those words say?"
"Yes I do," replied the young boy, who was not old
enough to read.
Peering intently at the letters he said,
"Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"
••
Q: What's black, white, black, white, and green?
A: Two skunks fighting over a pickle.
A: Two skunks fighting over a pickle.
••
Wife to husband: "Shall we watch the six o'clock
news and get indigestion or wait for the
eleven o'clock news and have insomnia?"
news and get indigestion or wait for the
eleven o'clock news and have insomnia?"
••
This weekend, my son asked why they kept the
seals like this and not let them live in the sea?
I said they would probably be eaten by a shark.
After noticing one of the seals had a split in his
flipper he proclaimed.
That seal wouldn't be eaten by a shark.
I asked why?
Because he said, a shark won't eat if the seal
is broken!.
seals like this and not let them live in the sea?
I said they would probably be eaten by a shark.
After noticing one of the seals had a split in his
flipper he proclaimed.
That seal wouldn't be eaten by a shark.
I asked why?
Because he said, a shark won't eat if the seal
is broken!.
••
Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who
talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling
the young officer that she had to get there before
she forgot where she was going?
talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling
the young officer that she had to get there before
she forgot where she was going?
••
Little boy to pal as they leave the movie:
"I like television better.
It's not so far to the bathroom."
"I like television better.
It's not so far to the bathroom."
