Boy, did the weather man get the
temp wrong.....
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♥
Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a
report for school about World War II, specifically
D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.
“Isn’t there a movie about that?” she asked.
I told her there was, but I couldn’t think of the
name.
Then it came to her, “Oh, I remember!
Isn’t it something like ‘Finding Private Nemo’?”
report for school about World War II, specifically
D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.
“Isn’t there a movie about that?” she asked.
I told her there was, but I couldn’t think of the
name.
Then it came to her, “Oh, I remember!
Isn’t it something like ‘Finding Private Nemo’?”
••
95% of news articles about shark attacks feature
a picture of an entirely innocent shark.
a picture of an entirely innocent shark.
••
A man in a Jaguar passed a Mini Cooper that had
broken down by the side of the road.
Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a
tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest
garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed
them at high speed.
The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by
a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow,
slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and
Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the
road, the Cooper and it's occupant trailing wildly
about at the end of the rope frantically trying to
attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase.
The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters
"Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a
Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150
mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights,
blowing his horn and trying to pass them!"
broken down by the side of the road.
Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a
tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest
garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed
them at high speed.
The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by
a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow,
slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and
Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the
road, the Cooper and it's occupant trailing wildly
about at the end of the rope frantically trying to
attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase.
The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters
"Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a
Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150
mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights,
blowing his horn and trying to pass them!"
••
A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and
said, "The Jewish people have observed their
5,759th year as a people..."
"Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only
observed their 4,692nd year as a people.
Now, what does it mean to you?"
After a moment of silence, a student raised his
hand.
"Yes, David," the teacher said, "what does it mean?"
David replied,"It means that the Jews had to
suffer without Chinese food for 1,067 years."
A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and
said, "The Jewish people have observed their
5,759th year as a people..."
"Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only
observed their 4,692nd year as a people.
Now, what does it mean to you?"
After a moment of silence, a student raised his
hand.
"Yes, David," the teacher said, "what does it mean?"
David replied,"It means that the Jews had to
suffer without Chinese food for 1,067 years."
••
Internal Revenue agent to tax payer:
"We try to be lenient, sir, but we can't allow this
one-dollar payment to the tooth fairy as a medical
deduction!"
Internal Revenue agent to tax payer:
"We try to be lenient, sir, but we can't allow this
one-dollar payment to the tooth fairy as a medical
deduction!"
••
Wife by text to husband at work ............
"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"
Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water
on them"
Wife a few minutes later - "Done that -
now computer won't work at all"!
"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"
Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water
on them"
Wife a few minutes later - "Done that -
now computer won't work at all"!
••
I just read in the local paper that one of our
third-generation farmers just hit the lotto for
17.3 mil.
When the reporter asked him what he intended to
do with all his new-found wealth, he answered:
"Well, I don't rightly know.
I recon I'll just keep farming 'till it's gone."
third-generation farmers just hit the lotto for
17.3 mil.
When the reporter asked him what he intended to
do with all his new-found wealth, he answered:
"Well, I don't rightly know.
I recon I'll just keep farming 'till it's gone."
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The doctor told me to try a diet for my high
cholesterol, he said if the food tastes good
spit it out.
cholesterol, he said if the food tastes good
spit it out.
••
An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that
her husband has taken ill.
The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature;
she replied that she hadn't but would and then
call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour,
the doctor called and asked her what had
happened.
She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer,
so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!"
her husband has taken ill.
The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature;
she replied that she hadn't but would and then
call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour,
the doctor called and asked her what had
happened.
She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer,
so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!"
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