couldn't sleep, so here I am
at 12:30....
••
Break time is over....
Earning his keep......
•••••••••••••••
•••••••••
•••
♥
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting
for their bus.
The buses were running late, and a lot of time
passed.
Finally, one woman turned to the other and said,
"You know, I've been sitting here so long,
my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said
"I know! I heard it snoring!"
for their bus.
The buses were running late, and a lot of time
passed.
Finally, one woman turned to the other and said,
"You know, I've been sitting here so long,
my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said
"I know! I heard it snoring!"
••
A man approaching retirement went along to
see the company doctor for one final checkup.
To his horror the doctor said, "I don't know
quite how to put this, but your heart is on its
last legs and you have only got six months to
live."
"Is there nothing I can do?" asked the shocked
man.
"Well," said the doctor, "you can give up
alcohol, and cut out smoking.
Don't eat rich foods, no dancing, and don't
even think about having sex!"
"And this will make me live longer?" the man
asked hopefully.
"No," replied the doctor,
"it will just seem longer!"
see the company doctor for one final checkup.
To his horror the doctor said, "I don't know
quite how to put this, but your heart is on its
last legs and you have only got six months to
live."
"Is there nothing I can do?" asked the shocked
man.
"Well," said the doctor, "you can give up
alcohol, and cut out smoking.
Don't eat rich foods, no dancing, and don't
even think about having sex!"
"And this will make me live longer?" the man
asked hopefully.
"No," replied the doctor,
"it will just seem longer!"
••
I think I might be going bald :
It's taking longer and longer to wash my face
in the morning...
It's taking longer and longer to wash my face
in the morning...
••
An elderly couple were in church.
The wife leaned over and whispered to her
husband, "I just let out a long silent fart...
what should I do?"
The husband replied,
"Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
An elderly couple were in church.
The wife leaned over and whispered to her
husband, "I just let out a long silent fart...
what should I do?"
The husband replied,
"Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
••
I hear in Korea there huge fans of fast food.
The greyhound being top of the list.
The greyhound being top of the list.
••
Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much
I benefited from your treatment!!
Doctor Martin replies, 'But you are not one of
my patients.'
Gus exclaims, 'I know, but my uncle Bill was,
and I am his heir!'
I benefited from your treatment!!
Doctor Martin replies, 'But you are not one of
my patients.'
Gus exclaims, 'I know, but my uncle Bill was,
and I am his heir!'
••
A seafood diet is the best:
whenever you see food, eat it.
whenever you see food, eat it.
••
I went online to become a private detective.
It was a private detective school online, and I
paid online.
But then I never heard from them again.
I thought to myself, I either got ripped off or
this is my first case.
It was a private detective school online, and I
paid online.
But then I never heard from them again.
I thought to myself, I either got ripped off or
this is my first case.
••
I went to see a fortune teller today.
When I walked out of the room my wife asked
how it went.
"Fantastic!" I replied, "Couldn't have had better
news."
"Ooh," she giggled..... "I might get my future told."
"I wouldn't if I were you," I replied.
When I walked out of the room my wife asked
how it went.
"Fantastic!" I replied, "Couldn't have had better
news."
"Ooh," she giggled..... "I might get my future told."
"I wouldn't if I were you," I replied.
••
A tourist asks a man in uniform,
"Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
"Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
••••••••••••
♦
