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♥
For Valentine's day, I agreed......
to watch a movie of her choice with the wife.
She picked Beauty and the Beast.
In the middle of the movie she said "If you were
a beast, I would still love you."
without thinking, I said "If you were a beauty I
would still love you."
I am still in intensive care, but getting better......
to watch a movie of her choice with the wife.
She picked Beauty and the Beast.
In the middle of the movie she said "If you were
a beast, I would still love you."
without thinking, I said "If you were a beauty I
would still love you."
I am still in intensive care, but getting better......
••
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be
evicted from his house, was contemplating how
the future would be after he had divorced his wife,
lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to
it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into
the concrete wall swearing, “You are the reason
I don’t have a wife”, second bottle,
“You are the reason I don’t have my children”,
third bottle “You are the reason I lost my job”.
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still
full of beer.
He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
“Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were
not involved”.
evicted from his house, was contemplating how
the future would be after he had divorced his wife,
lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to
it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into
the concrete wall swearing, “You are the reason
I don’t have a wife”, second bottle,
“You are the reason I don’t have my children”,
third bottle “You are the reason I lost my job”.
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still
full of beer.
He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
“Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were
not involved”.
••
When we were looking to buy property I had this
overzealous realtor show us what can only be
described as a totally worn-out old farm.
I mean the land had just been worked to death.
The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, “Now really,
all this land needs is a little water, a nice
cool breeze and some good people.”
I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same
be said of Hell?”
overzealous realtor show us what can only be
described as a totally worn-out old farm.
I mean the land had just been worked to death.
The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, “Now really,
all this land needs is a little water, a nice
cool breeze and some good people.”
I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same
be said of Hell?”
••
A man goes into the plumbing supply store and
says "I bought a bathtub here last week, but it
keeps leaking."
The clerk asks, "Did you put a plug in it?"
The man is surprised, "Plug in it? You didn’t tell
me it was an electric tub!"
says "I bought a bathtub here last week, but it
keeps leaking."
The clerk asks, "Did you put a plug in it?"
The man is surprised, "Plug in it? You didn’t tell
me it was an electric tub!"
••
Grandpa is driving with his 8 year old
granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident, Kiddo"
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "ass****"
afterwards.
Grandpa is driving with his 8 year old
granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident, Kiddo"
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "ass****"
afterwards.
••
Some children attended a celebration at their
church, which had invited a bishop for the
occasion.
When the pastor asked the children if they knew
what a bishop does, there was a long silence
before one boy answered gravely.
"He's the one you can move diagonally.
church, which had invited a bishop for the
occasion.
When the pastor asked the children if they knew
what a bishop does, there was a long silence
before one boy answered gravely.
"He's the one you can move diagonally.
••
I just got back from my vacation along the
northern Oregon coast, and have I got Astoria or
two to tell you!
northern Oregon coast, and have I got Astoria or
two to tell you!
••
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever
been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had
answered in the affirmative to the previous
question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway:
"Never got caught."
When he came to the question, "Have you ever
been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had
answered in the affirmative to the previous
question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway:
"Never got caught."
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