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Tony is an avid golfer and likes to practice his
golf swing on his lawn. Often, during the summer , he breaks a window
or two.
"Oh well,"we always say" at least it was our own
window."
And he have's the glass replaced.
One year, when he was having trouble with his
swing, he broke a grand total of four windows.
The following spring, a parcel arrived, addressed
to him.
It was a box of a dozen golf balls and the
enclosed note read, "Have a good season.
From Mike, your Window Guy.
••
Bottom Warmer Warning....
Bottom warmers in cars may ease frigid winter commutes, but dermatologists
warn that extended exposure to seat heaters can
lead to a skin condition called technically,
"A Burned Ass"!
••
A guy goes to his doctor......
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you're just too ugly for plastic surgery.
I suggest wearing a plastic bag over your head."
Patient: "Um don't you mean a paper bag"...?
Doctor: "Maybe I didn't emphasize how ugly you
really are"....
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Little Johnny was so proud of the surprise
birthday cake he made for his mom, but it was all she could do to swallow even one
bite.
"How do you like it, Mommy?"
"It's wonderful, John."
Little Johnny beamed.
"I'm glad.
I'm sorry there's no candles on top but,
when I took it out of the oven, they were all gone!"
••
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring
page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in
yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby,
the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire
truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him:
"Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?"
Young Bobby replied with "The same number of
times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
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"Did you ever notice that everyone in favor of birth control has already been born?"
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As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store’s PA system:
“If someone here has a convertible with the top
down, it just started raining.
Towels are located in aisle five.”
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Two new prisoners were shown to their cell.
"How long are you in for?" asked the first. "Eighteen years," replied the second.
"How about you?"
"Twenty-five years.
So since your getting out first, you'd better have
the bed by the door."
~~·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·~~
