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A friend left me alone in a restaurant with her
16-month-old kid.
I asked, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said, "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite
vegetable and I will not be asked to babysit again.
16-month-old kid.
I asked, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said, "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite
vegetable and I will not be asked to babysit again.
••
A carload of hunters, on holiday, were looking
for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard
in County Waterford, Ireland.
The driver, Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse
to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's land.
The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but
would you be doing me a favour?
That old donkey standing over there is 20 years
old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the
heart to kill her.
Would you do it for me?'
Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled
back to the car.
While walking back, however, Brannagh decided
to play a trick on his hunting friends.
He got into the car and when they asked if the
farmer had said if it was alright, he said,
'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach
that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.'
With that, the Irishman rolled down his window,
stuck his gun out and shot the donkey.
As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,'
a second shot rang out from the passenger side
and one of his hunting mates yelled, 'And me,
begorrah, I got the cow.'
for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard
in County Waterford, Ireland.
The driver, Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse
to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's land.
The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but
would you be doing me a favour?
That old donkey standing over there is 20 years
old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the
heart to kill her.
Would you do it for me?'
Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled
back to the car.
While walking back, however, Brannagh decided
to play a trick on his hunting friends.
He got into the car and when they asked if the
farmer had said if it was alright, he said,
'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach
that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.'
With that, the Irishman rolled down his window,
stuck his gun out and shot the donkey.
As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,'
a second shot rang out from the passenger side
and one of his hunting mates yelled, 'And me,
begorrah, I got the cow.'
••
Paddy gets a job in a maternity unit when he’s
asked to bath a baby.
The nurse walks in to see him moving the baby
around in the bathtub with a stick.
She screams at him: “What the hell do you think
you’re doing, you don’t bath a baby with a stick!”
He says: “You do when the water is this
hot”.
Paddy gets a job in a maternity unit when he’s
asked to bath a baby.
The nurse walks in to see him moving the baby
around in the bathtub with a stick.
She screams at him: “What the hell do you think
you’re doing, you don’t bath a baby with a stick!”
He says: “You do when the water is this
hot”.
••
I went to the dmv the other day to get my license
renewed and the lady asked me if i wanted to be
a poll worker.
As a guy i had no clue what she was asking,
so a answered, no.... I am not a very good dancer..
renewed and the lady asked me if i wanted to be
a poll worker.
As a guy i had no clue what she was asking,
so a answered, no.... I am not a very good dancer..
••
Flex told a bunch of Yo Momma jokes to a group
of kids earlier, he thought it was pretty funny..
Unfortunately, the staff at the orphanage didn't.
of kids earlier, he thought it was pretty funny..
Unfortunately, the staff at the orphanage didn't.
••
You may have had a wee bit too much to drink
if:
1)You consistantly lose arguments with
inanimate objects.
2)You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from
falling off the Earth.
3)The back of your head keeps getting hit by the
toilet seat.
4) The mosquitoes that bite you fly away in
erratic patterns and hit objects in their way.
if:
1)You consistantly lose arguments with
inanimate objects.
2)You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from
falling off the Earth.
3)The back of your head keeps getting hit by the
toilet seat.
4) The mosquitoes that bite you fly away in
erratic patterns and hit objects in their way.
••
What is similarity between Bill Gates and me?
He never comes to my house....
and I never go to his house.
He never comes to my house....
and I never go to his house.
••
A man is drinking alone at the bar.
Drinking and crying.
The bartender keeps on pouring him drinks,
and the man asks for more.
The bartender says: "I see you are very unhappy,
sir.
I'm here to listen, you know."
The man says: "I'm a musician.
A composer, actually.
That's my passion.
Writing music is all I want to do in my life, and I
know that I'm bloody good at it."
"I see.
What's the trouble, then?"
"Well, nobody wants to listen my music!
I don't have an idea why!......... Do you?"
"It's hard to tell.
I don't think I have heard your music."
"Do you have a piano here?
I could play you something."
There was a piano.
The man started playing.
It was incredible.
Beautiful, touching, powerful music.
The bartender listened the piece with tears in his
eyes.
"That was the greatest tune I have heard in my
life", he said.
"I can't believe that nobody wants to hear it.
What's the name of this song?"
"I Love You So Much I Can't Take a Dump."
Drinking and crying.
The bartender keeps on pouring him drinks,
and the man asks for more.
The bartender says: "I see you are very unhappy,
sir.
I'm here to listen, you know."
The man says: "I'm a musician.
A composer, actually.
That's my passion.
Writing music is all I want to do in my life, and I
know that I'm bloody good at it."
"I see.
What's the trouble, then?"
"Well, nobody wants to listen my music!
I don't have an idea why!......... Do you?"
"It's hard to tell.
I don't think I have heard your music."
"Do you have a piano here?
I could play you something."
There was a piano.
The man started playing.
It was incredible.
Beautiful, touching, powerful music.
The bartender listened the piece with tears in his
eyes.
"That was the greatest tune I have heard in my
life", he said.
"I can't believe that nobody wants to hear it.
What's the name of this song?"
"I Love You So Much I Can't Take a Dump."
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·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ 
