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There's a new garlic diet around.
You won't lose weight, but you look thinner from
a distance.
You won't lose weight, but you look thinner from
a distance.
••
Last Summer..........
While shopping for vacation clothes,
While shopping for vacation clothes,
gus and I
passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
so I sought Gus's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it
all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a
bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it
all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
••
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped
down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his
hand.....
down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his
hand.....
••
NYC sewage plant to offer Valentine's Day tours:
It may not smell like a rose but a New York City
sewage plant is offering tours for lovers on
Valentine's Day.
It may not smell like a rose but a New York City
sewage plant is offering tours for lovers on
Valentine's Day.
••
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn
right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"
right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"
••
People who brag about multi-tasking should chill
out.
There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong
at once.
out.
There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong
at once.
••
After watching a TV show at her aunt Angie's
house about how marshmallow peeps were made,
five-year-old Abby called home and talked with
her father Ricky.
"I just wanted to say goodnight to you Daddy,
before I went to bed," she said.
Ricky asked, "What did you and Aunt Angie do
tonight?"
Replied Abby, "We watched a peep show on TV."
house about how marshmallow peeps were made,
five-year-old Abby called home and talked with
her father Ricky.
"I just wanted to say goodnight to you Daddy,
before I went to bed," she said.
Ricky asked, "What did you and Aunt Angie do
tonight?"
Replied Abby, "We watched a peep show on TV."
••
A petite woman complained to the airline about
her flight between two large passengers.
"Your fares should be based on weight."
she suggested.
The ticket agent pointed out, "Then you would
have to stand all the way.
We couldn't charge you enough to give you a seat."
her flight between two large passengers.
"Your fares should be based on weight."
she suggested.
The ticket agent pointed out, "Then you would
have to stand all the way.
We couldn't charge you enough to give you a seat."
••
Two blondes were...
standing on the sidewalk,watching a funeral pass
by.
"I wonder who died?" the first blonde asked.
"I think it was the person in the casket."
replied the second blonde.
standing on the sidewalk,watching a funeral pass
by.
"I wonder who died?" the first blonde asked.
"I think it was the person in the casket."
replied the second blonde.
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