Good Morning...
••
"Wow! you gots milk breath......."
"Kiss me and I'll be your Prince......:
"Happy meals with that??"
Wonder why he can"t catch a ride??
Gotta be uncomfortable....
Going to be a long wedding...
Their picking out their seats....
••••••••••••
•••••••
•••
♥
A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool,
and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't
serve strings here."
Disappointed, the string hopped down from the
stool and went to the next bar.
He hopped on the barstool and said, again,
"Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve
strings here."
The string continued down the row of bars in this
fashion.
At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said,
"Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender at every bar in turn said,
"I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."
Finally he got to the last bar in the area.
He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a
beer.
He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool,
and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we
don't serve strings here."
Tired and angry, the string walked outside to
think.
He was a hard-working string.
He deserved a beer.
Finally, he came up with an idea.
He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and
frazzle his ends.
Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up
on the barstool.
"Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.
The bartender looked him over critically, and
finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that
was in here a few minutes ago?"
The string replied coolly, "Nope.......
I'm a frayed knot."
and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't
serve strings here."
Disappointed, the string hopped down from the
stool and went to the next bar.
He hopped on the barstool and said, again,
"Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve
strings here."
The string continued down the row of bars in this
fashion.
At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said,
"Bartender, gimme a beer."
The bartender at every bar in turn said,
"I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."
Finally he got to the last bar in the area.
He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a
beer.
He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool,
and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we
don't serve strings here."
Tired and angry, the string walked outside to
think.
He was a hard-working string.
He deserved a beer.
Finally, he came up with an idea.
He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and
frazzle his ends.
Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up
on the barstool.
"Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.
The bartender looked him over critically, and
finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that
was in here a few minutes ago?"
The string replied coolly, "Nope.......
I'm a frayed knot."
☺
A handicap parking sign does not signify that
this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be
handicapped if you park there.
this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be
handicapped if you park there.
☺
I knew a scientist who hypothesized that women’s
breasts could be used to propel a canoe.
Unfortunately, his theory was not very row bust.
breasts could be used to propel a canoe.
Unfortunately, his theory was not very row bust.
☺
When the mother returned from the grocery store,
her small son pulled out the box of animal
crackers he had begged for.
Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all
over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is
broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal."
her small son pulled out the box of animal
crackers he had begged for.
Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all
over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is
broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal."
☺
Two women were at a bar.
One looked at the other and said, "You know,
eighty percent of all men think the best way to
end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman, "if that was true,
that would certainly revolutionize the game of
hockey!"
One looked at the other and said, "You know,
eighty percent of all men think the best way to
end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman, "if that was true,
that would certainly revolutionize the game of
hockey!"
☺
The police department, famous for its superior
canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a
recent incident.
Returning home from work a blonde was shocked
to find her house ransacked and burgled.
She telephoned the police at once and reported
the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the
first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his
dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch,
clapped a hand to her head and moaned,
'I come home from work to find all my
possessions stolen, I call the police for help,
and what do they do?
They send a blind policeman!'
canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a
recent incident.
Returning home from work a blonde was shocked
to find her house ransacked and burgled.
She telephoned the police at once and reported
the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the
first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his
dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch,
clapped a hand to her head and moaned,
'I come home from work to find all my
possessions stolen, I call the police for help,
and what do they do?
They send a blind policeman!'
☺
A lady with a toothache called her dentist,
hoping to be seen that very day.
"Impossible," claimed the dentist.
"I have eighteen cavities to fill!"
He hung up the phone, grabbed his golf bag,
and promptly left the office.
A lady with a toothache called her dentist,
hoping to be seen that very day.
"Impossible," claimed the dentist.
"I have eighteen cavities to fill!"
He hung up the phone, grabbed his golf bag,
and promptly left the office.
☺
There was once an aspiring veterinarian,
who put himself through veterinary school
working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine
his two vocations to better serve the needs of his
patients and their owners, while doubling his
practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the
door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy:
Either way, you get your dog back!"
who put himself through veterinary school
working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine
his two vocations to better serve the needs of his
patients and their owners, while doubling his
practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the
door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy:
Either way, you get your dog back!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
