Good Morning, Friends...
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Please! not now.......
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♥
“It doesn’t matter how often a married man
changes his job, he still ends up with the same
boss.”
changes his job, he still ends up with the same
boss.”
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Three little pigs walked into a restaurant.
When the waiter came to ask if they wanted
anything to drink, the first pig said,
"I'll have a sprite."
The second ordered a coke, and the third pig said,
"I want water -- lots and lots of water."
The waiter came back with their drinks and asked
to take their order.
The first pig ordered potato skins, the second pig
ordered a salad, and the third pig ordered
water -- lots and lots of water.
After they finished eating, the waiter asked if they
wanted a desert.
The first pig ordered a piece of apple pie,
the second pig peach pie, and the third pig
ordered water -- lots and lots of water.
When the waiter came to give them their bill,
he asked the third pig why he kept ordering
water, lots and lots of water.
The pig said, "Well someone has to go wee wee
all the way home!"
When the waiter came to ask if they wanted
anything to drink, the first pig said,
"I'll have a sprite."
The second ordered a coke, and the third pig said,
"I want water -- lots and lots of water."
The waiter came back with their drinks and asked
to take their order.
The first pig ordered potato skins, the second pig
ordered a salad, and the third pig ordered
water -- lots and lots of water.
After they finished eating, the waiter asked if they
wanted a desert.
The first pig ordered a piece of apple pie,
the second pig peach pie, and the third pig
ordered water -- lots and lots of water.
When the waiter came to give them their bill,
he asked the third pig why he kept ordering
water, lots and lots of water.
The pig said, "Well someone has to go wee wee
all the way home!"
••
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright
pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts
spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up
to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright
pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts
spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up
to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
••
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to
find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed.
"That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied.
"I've beaten him three games out of five!"
find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed.
"That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied.
"I've beaten him three games out of five!"
••
A friend hosted a dinner party for family far and
wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all
their children as well.
All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old
girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
The uncle checked his tie, felt his face for food,
patted his hair in place but nothing stopped her
from staring at him.
He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it
was too much for him.
He finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior
and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said "I just want to see how you
drink like a fish."
wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all
their children as well.
All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old
girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
The uncle checked his tie, felt his face for food,
patted his hair in place but nothing stopped her
from staring at him.
He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it
was too much for him.
He finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior
and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said "I just want to see how you
drink like a fish."
••
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon
for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of
picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse
had been stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun
into the air, catches it above his head without
even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one in the bar answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my
hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish,
I'm gonna do what I done in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I done in
Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his
horse is back!
He saddles up and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks,
"Say pardner, before you go ...
What happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of
picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse
had been stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun
into the air, catches it above his head without
even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one in the bar answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my
hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish,
I'm gonna do what I done in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I done in
Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his
horse is back!
He saddles up and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks,
"Say pardner, before you go ...
What happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
••
At church, a mother was trying to explain to her
young son which person the priest was.
She asked her son, "Who is the person who talks
in church?"
After her son thought about it for a moment,
his face lit up and he exclaimed, "Me!"
young son which person the priest was.
She asked her son, "Who is the person who talks
in church?"
After her son thought about it for a moment,
his face lit up and he exclaimed, "Me!"
••
sorely-pressed newlywed sought valiantly to
console his bride, who was crying on the sofa.
"Darling," he implored, "believe me, I never said
you were a terrible cook.
I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal
has developed an ulcer."
console his bride, who was crying on the sofa.
"Darling," he implored, "believe me, I never said
you were a terrible cook.
I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal
has developed an ulcer."
••
Good things can happen to those that are willing
to take a chance.
I recently took a chance and became a million
dollar lottery winner.
Unfortunately, I played the Polish lottery.
I get a dollar a year for a million years................
to take a chance.
I recently took a chance and became a million
dollar lottery winner.
Unfortunately, I played the Polish lottery.
I get a dollar a year for a million years................
••
A successful marriage is based On give & take:
Where husband gives money,Gifts, dresses an
wife takes it
Where wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions &
husband takes it..!!
Where husband gives money,Gifts, dresses an
wife takes it
Where wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions &
husband takes it..!!
