Breakfast is ready....
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♥
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with
a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later
that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"
a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later
that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"
••
While shopping for vacation clothes, Sue said
my husband and I passed a display of bathing
suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it
all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
my husband and I passed a display of bathing
suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it
all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
••
My friend went to see the doctor this morning
and after a thorough examination he said,
"There's bad news I'm afraid Mr Roberts,
you're never going to be able to father any
children."
"You mean I'm firing blanks?"
"No, it's nothing like that", he laughed,
"You're just incredibly ugly".
My friend went to see the doctor this morning
and after a thorough examination he said,
"There's bad news I'm afraid Mr Roberts,
you're never going to be able to father any
children."
"You mean I'm firing blanks?"
"No, it's nothing like that", he laughed,
"You're just incredibly ugly".
••
“I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad!”
“Wow, your dad’s a millionaire?”
“No, but he always wanted to be.”
“Wow, your dad’s a millionaire?”
“No, but he always wanted to be.”
••
A man came down with the flu and was forced to
stay home one day.
He was glad for the interlude because it taught
him how much his wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around that
when a delivery man or the mailman arrived,
she ran out and yelled,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"
stay home one day.
He was glad for the interlude because it taught
him how much his wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around that
when a delivery man or the mailman arrived,
she ran out and yelled,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"
••
Mommy! Billy won’t let go of my ear.
Billy, let go of Susie’s ear.
Billy! Let go of her ear!
All right Billy, give me the ear....
Billy, let go of Susie’s ear.
Billy! Let go of her ear!
All right Billy, give me the ear....
••
I wanted to take my kids to the movies but did
not want to wait on line to buy the tickets,
so I called ahead to the theater to buy them over
the phone.
I asked, “How much is a ticket?”
They said, “Ten dollars.”
I asked, “How much for children?”
They said, “Same price, Ten dollars.”
I said, “The airlines charge half fare for children.”
They said, “OK, put your kids on a plane to
somewhere, and you come to the movie.
You’ll enjoy it a lot more that way.”
not want to wait on line to buy the tickets,
so I called ahead to the theater to buy them over
the phone.
I asked, “How much is a ticket?”
They said, “Ten dollars.”
I asked, “How much for children?”
They said, “Same price, Ten dollars.”
I said, “The airlines charge half fare for children.”
They said, “OK, put your kids on a plane to
somewhere, and you come to the movie.
You’ll enjoy it a lot more that way.”
••
