Good Morning...Friends.
Now you know why the kids Fat.....
No more then I have too.....
••••••
•••
♥
Last February I was eating lunch with my
6-year-old granddaughter and I asked her,
"What day is tomorrow?"
She said "It's President's Day!"
She is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does
President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington
or Lincoln etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President
Obama steps out of the White House, and if he
sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment."
You know, ....it hurts when hot coffee spurts out
your nose.
6-year-old granddaughter and I asked her,
"What day is tomorrow?"
She said "It's President's Day!"
She is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does
President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington
or Lincoln etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President
Obama steps out of the White House, and if he
sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment."
You know, ....it hurts when hot coffee spurts out
your nose.
••
I finally figured out how to stop my wife from
talking to her mother on the cell all the time.
I programmed my mother in laws number as
"Wrong Number".
Now my wife never answers her mother's calls.
talking to her mother on the cell all the time.
I programmed my mother in laws number as
"Wrong Number".
Now my wife never answers her mother's calls.
••
Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the
guy across from him.
"Hey," says the guy, "why are you staring at me?"
"Whether you believe it or not," says Bob,
"you are the spitting image of my wife....
Except for the beard."
"I don't have a beard," says the guy.
"No, but the wife does."
guy across from him.
"Hey," says the guy, "why are you staring at me?"
"Whether you believe it or not," says Bob,
"you are the spitting image of my wife....
Except for the beard."
"I don't have a beard," says the guy.
"No, but the wife does."
••
A journalist whose assignment was to interview
Albert Einstein once asked him if he were able to
return to earth for a second life, would he like to
be a scientist once again?
Einstein emphatically stated, "No, I would be a
plumber.
He makes more money than I do."
Albert Einstein once asked him if he were able to
return to earth for a second life, would he like to
be a scientist once again?
Einstein emphatically stated, "No, I would be a
plumber.
He makes more money than I do."
••
I pissed off a cab driver last night.
I left a pizza and a six pack in the back of his cab.
But I usually don't throw up very often.
I left a pizza and a six pack in the back of his cab.
But I usually don't throw up very often.
••
A four year old walked over to a pregnant lady
while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your
stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your
stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,
"Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look,
he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your
stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your
stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,
"Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look,
he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"
••
One man in line to mail his income tax return
had an unexpectedly upbeat attitude about it.
He told the person next to him, "I see it as having
the entire government on my payroll."
had an unexpectedly upbeat attitude about it.
He told the person next to him, "I see it as having
the entire government on my payroll."
••
The weather channel has issued a travel warning
due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current
icy conditions should make sure they have the
following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables
Damn...I looked like an idiot on the bus this
morning!
due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current
icy conditions should make sure they have the
following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables
Damn...I looked like an idiot on the bus this
morning!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
