Down Hummingbird Lane

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A man and his wife were lying in bed the other
night when he noticed she had bought a new
book entitled, "What 20 Million American
Women Want."
 He grabbed the book out of her hands and
started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they
spelled my name right."

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A senior Senator called and had a question about
the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
 After a lengthy discussion about passports,
I reminded him that he needed a visa.
“Oh, no I don’t.
I’ve been to China many times and never had to
have one of those.”
 I double checked and sure enough, his stay
required a visa.
When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to
China four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!”

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A real-estate agent was driving around with a
new trainee when she spotted a charming little
farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign
out front.
 After briskly introducing herself and her
associate to the startled occupant, the agent
cruised from room to room, opening closets and
cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out
where a "new light fixture here and a little paint
there" would help.
Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was
hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.
 "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the
home-improvement tips and all, but I think you
read my sign wrong.
It says, "HORSE for sale."

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The chef of the upscale restaurant I manage
collided with a waiter one day and spilled coffee
all over our computer.
The liquid poured into the processing unit, and
resulted in some dramatic crackling and popping
sounds.
After sopping up the mess, we gathered around
the terminal as the computer was turned back on. 
"Please let it work," pleaded the guilt-ridden
waiter.
Another waiter replied, "Should be faster than
ever.......  That was a double espresso."

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Evenin' folks.

I live up here in the mountains in a
tiny town named Hayfork.
Now, that is almost a joke in itself,right?
Every time I go down to the city, someone will
inevitably ask "Ware you fum, boy".
"Hayfork".
"Har,Har,Har!
Hey, boys!....... We got us a Hayforker here!

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Q: How is the bad economy affecting Mardi Gras?
A: Now when you throw beads, women only flash
one boob!

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The A B C...joke After being married for thirty
years a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B,
C, D, E, F, G, H.... I, J, K." She asks......
"What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful,
Elegant, Fancy, Gorgeous, Honey.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely
..... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

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 A banker who was viewing a customer's farm
pointed to a man in the barnyard and asked if he
was a hired hand.
Aware that banks have a reputation for passing
out impressive job titles, the farmer replied,
"No, he's the second vice president in charge of
dairy cows."

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Miss Simmons agreed to be interviewed by Alec
for the school magazine.
"How old are you Miss Simmons?" asked Alec.
"I'm not going to tell you that."
"But Mr. Hill the technical teacher and
Mr. Hill the geography teacher teacher told me
how old they were."
 "Oh, well," said Miss Simmons.
"I'm the same age as both of them."
The poor teacher was not happy when she saw
what Alec wrote:
"Miss Simmons, our English teacher, confided
in me that she was as old as the Hills."

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A dog walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Excuse me, but whose dog is
this?
The sign outside clearly says....
NO DOGS ALLOWED"
 The dog says, "Well, I'm not just any dog you
know."
The barman says, "So what makes you so special?"

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