Good Morning....Friends.
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♥
Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed
calls or something.
Gus: From who?
Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?
Gus: Um, battery low?
Mom: Yeah, that’s it!
calls or something.
Gus: From who?
Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?
Gus: Um, battery low?
Mom: Yeah, that’s it!
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Two Yuppettes were shopping.
When they started to discuss their home lives,
one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore
is fight.
I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?"
asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied,
"I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds
first."
When they started to discuss their home lives,
one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore
is fight.
I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?"
asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied,
"I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds
first."
••
The topic for my third-grade class was genetics.
Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and
asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to
my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”
The topic for my third-grade class was genetics.
Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and
asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to
my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”
••
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
••
The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his
numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two,"
the teacher said.
"Three," replied Andy.
"Very good. What comes after five, Andy?"
asked the teacher.
"Six," answered Andy.
"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A jack!" replied Andy.
numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two,"
the teacher said.
"Three," replied Andy.
"Very good. What comes after five, Andy?"
asked the teacher.
"Six," answered Andy.
"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A jack!" replied Andy.
••
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept
peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was
the blinking wing-tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said,
"but I think you should inform the pilot that his
left-turn indicator is on and has been for some
time."
peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was
the blinking wing-tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said,
"but I think you should inform the pilot that his
left-turn indicator is on and has been for some
time."
••
Gus appears on a talent show, claiming he can
count as quickly as lightning.
The host of the show sits him down in front of a
swarm of ants in a glass case.
"You have 30 seconds to count these ants,"
he says, "starting NOW."
"3,138," says PGus after one second.
"Wow! That's correct!" says the host.
"How on earth did you do that?"
"Easy!" says Gus.
"I just counted the legs and divided by six."
Gus appears on a talent show, claiming he can
count as quickly as lightning.
The host of the show sits him down in front of a
swarm of ants in a glass case.
"You have 30 seconds to count these ants,"
he says, "starting NOW."
"3,138," says PGus after one second.
"Wow! That's correct!" says the host.
"How on earth did you do that?"
"Easy!" says Gus.
"I just counted the legs and divided by six."
••
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The owner points to three identical-looking
parrots on a perch and says,
"The parrot on the left costs $500."
The man asks, "Why does it cost so much?"
The owner replies, "Well, it knows how to use a
computer."
The man then asks about the parrot on the right.
"That parrot," the owner replies, "cost $1,000,
because it not only knows how to use a computer
but it also knows UNIX."
Naturally, the increasingly startled man then asks
about the parrot in the middle,
only to be told it costs $2,000.
"Why, what can that one do?" he asks,
and the owner says, "To be honest, I've never seen
it do anything.
But the other two call him Boss."
The owner points to three identical-looking
parrots on a perch and says,
"The parrot on the left costs $500."
The man asks, "Why does it cost so much?"
The owner replies, "Well, it knows how to use a
computer."
The man then asks about the parrot on the right.
"That parrot," the owner replies, "cost $1,000,
because it not only knows how to use a computer
but it also knows UNIX."
Naturally, the increasingly startled man then asks
about the parrot in the middle,
only to be told it costs $2,000.
"Why, what can that one do?" he asks,
and the owner says, "To be honest, I've never seen
it do anything.
But the other two call him Boss."
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