Good Morning....
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♥
One day, as I sat sad and alone, without a friend...
A voice came to me from out of the gloom, saying:
"Cheer up, things could be worse"
So I cheered up......and sure enough....
Things got worse.
A voice came to me from out of the gloom, saying:
"Cheer up, things could be worse"
So I cheered up......and sure enough....
Things got worse.
••
The teacher wrote on the blackboard:
"I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this
sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "
Get yourself a new boyfriend."
"I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this
sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "
Get yourself a new boyfriend."
••
Washington, D.C serves a very important function
in our system of government.
It keeps all the politicians in one place where
it's easier to keep an eye on them.
- Bob Hope -
in our system of government.
It keeps all the politicians in one place where
it's easier to keep an eye on them.
- Bob Hope -
••
My wife told me about a Muslim woman who
was lingering around the ladies showers at the
pool, refusing to undress or remove her veil.
"She was just staring at the other women through
her veil making everyone feel really uncomfortable.
I think we should ban the burka."
I said, "Now hold on honey, we shouldn't force
people to adapt to our culture because of our own
insecurities."
Besides, I love my burka disguise.
My wife told me about a Muslim woman who
was lingering around the ladies showers at the
pool, refusing to undress or remove her veil.
"She was just staring at the other women through
her veil making everyone feel really uncomfortable.
I think we should ban the burka."
I said, "Now hold on honey, we shouldn't force
people to adapt to our culture because of our own
insecurities."
Besides, I love my burka disguise.
••
Three bad bowls in a row,
aka a ‘gutterball turkey’.
aka a ‘gutterball turkey’.
••
When a junior high in his hometown was named
after famed comedian Jack Benny,
he made a trip there to visit with the students.
While Benny was addressing a group,
one student raised his hand and inquired politely,
"Mr. Benny, why were you named after our
school?"
after famed comedian Jack Benny,
he made a trip there to visit with the students.
While Benny was addressing a group,
one student raised his hand and inquired politely,
"Mr. Benny, why were you named after our
school?"
••
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a
stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it.
Fifty people deceived!.... Fifty people deceived!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper,
and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing
in here about fifty people being deceived.”
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out,
“Read all about it...... Fifty-one people deceived!”
stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it.
Fifty people deceived!.... Fifty people deceived!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper,
and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing
in here about fifty people being deceived.”
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out,
“Read all about it...... Fifty-one people deceived!”
••
A man moved to another state where he didn't
know anyone.
In the move, his old piano was jarred, and of
course it needed to be tuned when the man
arrived.
So he asked around, and was told that
Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in
the area.
The man called Earl and hired him to tune his
piano.
Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a
wonderful job tuning the old piano.
The man was able to play beautiful music once
again, and was very pleased.
After a year or so the old piano started producing
sour notes again.
So the man called Earl, and asked him to come
work his magic on the old piano again.
To the man's surprise, Earl refused, saying "Sorry, I can't accept the job."
"Why not?" the man wanted to know.
"I'll pay you twice as much as last time if you'll
just come tune my piano."
"Haven't you heard?"
Earl asked, "Opporknockity only tunes once."
know anyone.
In the move, his old piano was jarred, and of
course it needed to be tuned when the man
arrived.
So he asked around, and was told that
Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in
the area.
The man called Earl and hired him to tune his
piano.
Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a
wonderful job tuning the old piano.
The man was able to play beautiful music once
again, and was very pleased.
After a year or so the old piano started producing
sour notes again.
So the man called Earl, and asked him to come
work his magic on the old piano again.
To the man's surprise, Earl refused, saying "Sorry, I can't accept the job."
"Why not?" the man wanted to know.
"I'll pay you twice as much as last time if you'll
just come tune my piano."
"Haven't you heard?"
Earl asked, "Opporknockity only tunes once."
