Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....

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My most recent trip was to Jamaica.
That was cool..... I had a good time.
I got stopped at customs, though.
The lady was like, 'Are you bringing any drugs
into Jamaica?'
I was like, 'Drugs into Jamaica?
That's like bringing Slim-Fast to Ethiopia......

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My new girlfriend really takes my breath away!!......
 She's inflatable.

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At the Olympics a man walked up to a competitor
who was carrying a very long pole.
 "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
"Nein, I am German, but how did you know my
name ist Walter?"

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*Food hits floor*
Little Germs: 'Let's get it!'
King Germ: 'No, we must wait 5 seconds!'

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An old lady who is constipated goes to visit her
doctor.
"I haven't had a bowel movement in over a week,"
she said sadly.
"Are you doing anything for it?" inquired the
doctor.
"I've been sitting on the toilet a half an hour each
morning, and again at night," she explained.
 "No. I mean are you taking anything?"
"Oh, I see....... Yes, I take a book."

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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’
He said, ‘ three hours ago it was grass.’

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 One day a pregnant wife announced to her
husband that she was going to start looking for
names for their unborn child.
When the father got home from work the mother
held up a baby book and said that if the baby was
a girl the name was going to be Ophelia. 
The husband didn't like the name. 
But he said, "That's a good name, it reminds me
of a girl I dated in college."
The next day the mother had changed the name
to Sarah.

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A blonde on her first visit to Yellowstone National
Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks.

Wherever did they come from?”
 “The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
 “But where are the glaciers?”
 “The glaciers,” said the guide in a frustrated tone,
“have gone back for more rocks.”

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