Down Hummingbird Lane

A man goes to a doctor for a rash on his arm.
"What do you do for a living?" the doctor asks him.
"I work at the circus, giving enemas to the
elephants," the guy says.
"Quit doing that and the rash will clear up,"
the doctor says.
The guy replies, horrified, "What?
And get out of show business?"

••

A property manager of single-family residence
was showing a unit to prospective tenants and
asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered
proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly.
"They're very well behaved."

••

I was sat watching TV when I let out an enormous
fart.
 Suddenly my three year-old son sat up and said,
"That is quite revolting.
One is ashamed to be the offspring of such a
vulgar buffoon"
 My wife said, "Oh my God, did you hear that?"
 I said, "I know ... it sounded like I'd shit myself,
didn't it?!"

••

I coach my son jimmy's elementary football team
In today's match and the very last kick of the game,
my son, the goalkeeper, let the ball through his
legs and gave away the goal that cost us the match.
 After the game he came over and said, "Sorry dad,
I should have kept my legs shut."
Being a good coach and father, I said.....
 "It's not your fault Jimmy. .
Its your mother who should have kept her legs
shut."

••


Karate is a form of martial arts in which people
who have had years and years of training can,
using only their hands and feet,
make some of the worst movies in the history
of the world.

••

After Drinking-
Men talk unnecessarily,become emotional,
drive badly,stop thinking, fight for nothing
& make mountains out of molehills.
 Hats Off to Women.......
They can do all this without DRINKING!!!

•

My son, a kindergartener, practices spelling with
magnetic letters on the refrigerator:
"cat," "dog," "dad," and "mom" have been proudly
displayed for all to see.
 One morning while getting ready for the day,
He bounded into the room with his arms
outstretched.
 In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" He exclaimed,
a proud smile on his face.
 "That's wonderful!" I said.
"Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see
when he gets home tonight."
That Christian education is certainly having an
impact, I thought, happily.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen.
"Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?"

••...