••
You might be a redneck if...
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your
brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for
decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden
hose in the yard.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo
clown.
You think people that send out graduation
announcements are show-offs.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as
Exhibit A.
••
A man and his wife, he being of the more
tightfisted type economically speaking,
were strolling around the down town one lovely
evening when they happened to pass one of the
swankier and higher reputation restaurants in
town.
As they walked passed, she notes to him
"Doesn't it just smell wonderful!?"
•
He, also being interested in keeping his wife happy,
says to himself " I'll treat her!"
So, they turn around......and walk passed it again.
••
The counselor was helping the kids put their stuff
away on their first day in summer camp.
He was surprised to see one of the youngsters
had an umbrella.
The counselor asked him, "Why did you bring an
umbrella to camp?"
The kid answered........
"Didn't you ever have a mother?"
••
What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
••
"Would you like your coffee black?"
"What other colors do you have?"
••
Pete and I were walking down the street
when a man stopped us.
"I'm taking a survey," he said.
"Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied Pete..... "I'm usually too wrapped
up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."
••
A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence:
serving its purpose without obstructing the view.
(((((((((((O))))))))
