••
ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION: the inability to
become aroused over any of the choices for
President put forth by either party in the 2012
election year.
become aroused over any of the choices for
President put forth by either party in the 2012
election year.
••
Because the airline canceled my flight they made
arrangements for my room, as well as giving me
a $10 coupon, called a 'chit', for my meal in the
airport.
After having dinner in the restaurant,
I gave my coupon to the cashier and asked,
"Is this chit worth ten dollars?"
He said, "Oh hell no.
I bring my dinner from home."
Because the airline canceled my flight they made
arrangements for my room, as well as giving me
a $10 coupon, called a 'chit', for my meal in the
airport.
After having dinner in the restaurant,
I gave my coupon to the cashier and asked,
"Is this chit worth ten dollars?"
He said, "Oh hell no.
I bring my dinner from home."
••
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find
his check was short $100.
He called the accounting department to voice his
complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk,
"but last week we overpaid you $100 and we
didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake.
But two weeks in a row?"
his check was short $100.
He called the accounting department to voice his
complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk,
"but last week we overpaid you $100 and we
didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake.
But two weeks in a row?"
••
A man playing golf on the par 3 17th hole
stood at the tee to hit his shot.
He made a slice that went over the bushes,
bounced on the road and into a bus tire,
which kicked the ball back across the fairway,
and onto the green, a few feet from the hole.
"How on earth did you pull that off?"
asked his partners.
"You gotta know the bus schedule," he said.
stood at the tee to hit his shot.
He made a slice that went over the bushes,
bounced on the road and into a bus tire,
which kicked the ball back across the fairway,
and onto the green, a few feet from the hole.
"How on earth did you pull that off?"
asked his partners.
"You gotta know the bus schedule," he said.
••
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes
missing.
His wife suggests he take out an ad in the
newspaper, which he does.
But two weeks later, there's still no sign of the
pooch.
"What did you write in the ad?" his wife asks.
"Here, boy," he replies.
missing.
His wife suggests he take out an ad in the
newspaper, which he does.
But two weeks later, there's still no sign of the
pooch.
"What did you write in the ad?" his wife asks.
"Here, boy," he replies.
••
Frankenstein was sited for false testimony
in court about his family origins.
He said Pardon me your honor I stand Collected...
in court about his family origins.
He said Pardon me your honor I stand Collected...
••
Last night I dreamed I invented a time machine
and went back in time to see Jesus.
I asked him, "Do you speak French?"
He said, "Yeah."
I said, "Do you speak Croatian?"
He said, "Yeah."
I said, "Do you speak Klingon?"
He said, "You're gonna be a virgin till the day
you die."
Then I woke up.
and went back in time to see Jesus.
I asked him, "Do you speak French?"
He said, "Yeah."
I said, "Do you speak Croatian?"
He said, "Yeah."
I said, "Do you speak Klingon?"
He said, "You're gonna be a virgin till the day
you die."
Then I woke up.
••
My wife had been in the egg nog and said;
"for your Christmas present tonight, you can do
whatever you want with me."
I thought it over and sent her home to her mother.
"for your Christmas present tonight, you can do
whatever you want with me."
I thought it over and sent her home to her mother.
