Today; Mostly cloudy. Highs in the lower 50s.
North winds around 5 mph...
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Rae, at the hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today."
the caller said.
"Are you light-headed? " Rae asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today."
the caller said.
"Are you light-headed? " Rae asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft..... Today, it’s called golf.
it was called witchcraft..... Today, it’s called golf.
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I set a personal record on Christmas.
I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time.
I had all the presents back at my room, I was halfway through
wrapping them, and I realized, Damn, I used the wrong wrapping
paper.
The paper I used said, Happy Birthday.
I didnt want to waste it, so I just wrote Jesus on it.
I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time.
I had all the presents back at my room, I was halfway through
wrapping them, and I realized, Damn, I used the wrong wrapping
paper.
The paper I used said, Happy Birthday.
I didnt want to waste it, so I just wrote Jesus on it.
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The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer
his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask
whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I
answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do
once I get there - if I get there; so I really need your help.
What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones,
"Pay me in advance."
his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask
whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.
I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I
answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do
once I get there - if I get there; so I really need your help.
What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones,
"Pay me in advance."
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Patient: Nurse, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes".
Nurse: "Have you seen a doctor? "
Patient: "No, just spots."
Nurse: "Have you seen a doctor? "
Patient: "No, just spots."
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A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam.
The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and that
the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools,
he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk.
1. A tube of K-Y jelly
2. A rubber glove
3. A beer
When the doctor finally came in, the man said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused.
This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the
glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
The doctor curses in exasperation, flungs open the door, and yelled,
"Nurse! I said to bring me a butt light!"
The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and that
the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools,
he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk.
1. A tube of K-Y jelly
2. A rubber glove
3. A beer
When the doctor finally came in, the man said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused.
This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the
glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
The doctor curses in exasperation, flungs open the door, and yelled,
"Nurse! I said to bring me a butt light!"
♫
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with
an unusual offer.
"Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love,
honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’
I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows,
the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said,
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every
command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your
life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will
not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,
"Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed,
"I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered,
"She made me a better offer."
an unusual offer.
"Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love,
honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’
I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows,
the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said,
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every
command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your
life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will
not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,
"Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed,
"I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered,
"She made me a better offer."
♫
If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas,
and smoke in a smoking jacket,
WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker??
and smoke in a smoking jacket,
WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker??
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A guy went into a public washroom and had to use the only available
urinal, which was between two elderly men.
He glanced to his left and saw the guy pizzing, but there were two
streams.
"What the hell is that?" he asked.
"War wound.,
.... I took a bullet in my tool, in North Africa.
They were able to save my tool but they had to leave two holes."
Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams.
"What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the tool, left three holes."
The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw
12 streams!
"War wound?" they both asked.
"Naah, my zipper's stuck."
urinal, which was between two elderly men.
He glanced to his left and saw the guy pizzing, but there were two
streams.
"What the hell is that?" he asked.
"War wound.,
.... I took a bullet in my tool, in North Africa.
They were able to save my tool but they had to leave two holes."
Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams.
"What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the tool, left three holes."
The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw
12 streams!
"War wound?" they both asked.
"Naah, my zipper's stuck."
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Todays Thought:
Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Rae's Trivia...
Moths fly to burning candles or glowing light bulbs because of
their mating instinct.
It is not the illumination that draws them but the ultraviolet light
of radiant heat, which to us is invisible.
Ultraviolet vision helps moths get together after dark.
Their body temperatures soar when they are in flight and they
home in on one another like heat-seeking missiles.
Warmth from a candle or light seems like a powerful summons
from a supermoth.
their mating instinct.
It is not the illumination that draws them but the ultraviolet light
of radiant heat, which to us is invisible.
Ultraviolet vision helps moths get together after dark.
Their body temperatures soar when they are in flight and they
home in on one another like heat-seeking missiles.
Warmth from a candle or light seems like a powerful summons
from a supermoth.
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