Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning, friends....
I hope everyone had a great Christmas....
Now we gotta work on having a great
New Year...
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A fellow who was quite obviously under the influence of liquor
was trying desperately to catch a subway train back to his
suburban home.
Three times, however, he got on the wrong train.
Each time he was told that he would have to take a different train.
When he boarded the fourth train, he slumped down in a seat
beside a clergyman -- whose eyes, ears and nose told him this
new passenger had been a boozer cruiser due to drinking too much.
He told our besotted friend, "Brother, may I tell you that you are
traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation and Hell!"
The drunk replied, "My God! Don't tell me I'm on the wrong train
 again!"

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I once had a job crushing coke and sprite cans.
It was soda pressing....

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What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill out his
schedule.
The only one available was Wildlife Zoology.
After one week the professor gave the class a test.
He passed out a sheet of paper divided into squares.
In each square was a carefully drawn picture of some bird legs.
No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.
The student sat and stared at the test and got more and more angry.
Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the
test on the teacher's desk.
"This is the worst test I have ever taken."
 The teacher looked up and said, "Young man, you have flunked this
test....... What is your name?"
 The student pulled up his pant-legs and showed the professor his
legs and replied, "You tell me!"

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My Grandpa always said, "Don't watch your money;
watch your health."
So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
 It was my Grandpa!!!!.

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Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park.
The game is really exciting and they are enjoying themselves
immensely...mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
 Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has
a lot of innings to go.
 Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many
players are on base?
 Think!
 Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded!

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There is no problem so great that it can not be made worse with a
little Federal involvement.

On the first day of university, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students,
and the male dormitory to the female students.  A
nybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued "Anybody  caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60. 
Being caught a third time will cost you $180. 
Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: 
"How much for a season ticket?"

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While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought,
I busied myself with indoor cleaning.
 I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked
to use the bathroom.
With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly-scrubbed
floors.
 "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution.
"I'll put down some newspapers for you."
"That's all right, Lady," he responded..... "I'm already trained."

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Todays Thought;

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; 
but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity,
he will continue the learning process as long as he lives.

Rae's Trivia....

If laid out in a straight line, the average adult’s blood vessels would
be nearly 60,000 miles long...enough to circle Earth 2 times.
The heart pumps blood through this labyrinth and back again once
every minute.

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