# 1,477

Good Morning....Friends....
I an reading 32º this morning......
Going to be Mostly cloudy. Highs around 60º...
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I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for
charity.
On our first day of training, the instructor made an
important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
"How do you know when you're at 300 feet?"
asked one woman.
"A good question," replied the instructor.
"At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on
the ground."
 The woman thought about this for awhile before saying,
"What happens if there's no one there I know?"

Two old R-ville guys sitting at a bar, one pointed to two
old drunks sitting across the bar from them and told his
buddy......
"Vell dats us in 10 years,vhat ya tink?".
 He said "vell dats a mirror,ya dim vit!

Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism
with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired
judgement close to midnight on Saturday.
Increasing chance of big regret and big hangover for
Sunday....

I've just found out my wife suffers with photosensitive
epilepsy.
 She saw a picture of me kissing her sister and had a fit.

TEACHER: "Tell me, Johnny, which is the best time to
pick pears? Spring, summer, autumn or winter?"
JOHNNY: "The best time to pick pears is when the
farmer is not at home and there's no dog on the farm."

 Returning from a golf game, a father was greeted at
the door by his four-year-old  daughter. 
"Daddy, who won the golf game? she asked. 
"You or Uncle?"
 "Your uncle and I don't play golf to win," he replied.
" We just play to have fun."
 "Okay Daddy, who had the most fun?"

At a dinner party, a shy young fellow kept trying to
think of something nice to say to the hostess,
who was sitting beside him.
 At last he saw his chance when the lovely hostess
turned to him and said, "What a small appetite you
seem to have, Mr Martin."
" Sitting next to you," he remarked,
"Would cause anybody to lose his appetite."

My granddaddy was bit by a rattlesnake.
After three days of intense pain and suffering
the rattlesnake finally died.

A father comes home from a six-week-long business trip to New York.
He finds his son, Jaysen, riding a very fancy new ten-speed bicycle.
"Where did you get the money for the bike?" he asked.
"It must have cost $300."
"It was easy, Dad," the boy replied.
"I earned it by hiking."
"Come on, Jaysen," the father said.
"Tell me the whole truth."
"That IS the truth," the boy replied.
"Every night while you were gone, Mr. Runnells, from the corner shop,
would come over to visit Mom.
He would give me a $20 note and tell me, 'Take a hike!'
I swear, Dad, that's the whole truth!"

Did you hear about the father who fainted when his
son asked for the keys to the garage and came out with
the lawn mower?

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Todays Thought;

* If you smile when no one else is around,
you really mean it.- Andy Rooney *

Raes Trivia.....

Public sanitation was at an all-time low during the
Middle Ages.
Garbage was piled up so high outside the city of Paris
during the 1400s that it interfered with the city’s
defenses.

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