Today we're having....
Patchy fog in the morning.
Sunny. Highs in the upper 60s.
51º right now.....
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♥♥♥
~ I'll never forget the day I met my wife.
We were at a Holloween party.
She was standing there, looking gorgeous and slim,
with her fat girlfriend.
They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew then and there, she was the one.
We were at a Holloween party.
She was standing there, looking gorgeous and slim,
with her fat girlfriend.
They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew then and there, she was the one.
☼
~ The teacher said: Tommy, this is the fifth day this
week you’ve had to stay after school.
What have you to say for yourself?
I'’m certainly glad it’s Friday, said Tommy.
week you’ve had to stay after school.
What have you to say for yourself?
I'’m certainly glad it’s Friday, said Tommy.
☼
~ A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
a local university.
The topic last week was mammals, and she was
preparing a Power Point slide show with images of
various animals to illustrate the huge diversity of the
mammals.
Of course the obvious place to look for images is on the
Internet, and she had great success with searches for
"armadillo photos," and "whale photos," even
"monkey photos."
Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
"beaver photos."
~ A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
a local university.
The topic last week was mammals, and she was
preparing a Power Point slide show with images of
various animals to illustrate the huge diversity of the
mammals.
Of course the obvious place to look for images is on the
Internet, and she had great success with searches for
"armadillo photos," and "whale photos," even
"monkey photos."
Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
"beaver photos."
☼
~ A couple moved into a new house, and within the
first month they had to call an electrician, a painter,
a carpenter, and a roofer.
One afternoon, the husband returned home from work
early and found a plumber's van in the driveway.
"Lord," he sighed, "please let her be having an affair."
first month they had to call an electrician, a painter,
a carpenter, and a roofer.
One afternoon, the husband returned home from work
early and found a plumber's van in the driveway.
"Lord," he sighed, "please let her be having an affair."
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~ I should have known better than to take my
four-year-old son shopping with me.
I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him.
Finally, I'd had it.
"Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.
Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to the zoo?"
four-year-old son shopping with me.
I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him.
Finally, I'd had it.
"Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.
Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to the zoo?"
☼
~ Signs You Have a Hangover.....
1. You'd rather have a pencil driven through your retina
than be exposed to sunlight.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation,
you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same
reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some
quality time with your toilet.
6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees
with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker
shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the
bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is
"Shut up!"
~ Signs You Have a Hangover.....
1. You'd rather have a pencil driven through your retina
than be exposed to sunlight.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation,
you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same
reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some
quality time with your toilet.
6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees
with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker
shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the
bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is
"Shut up!"
☼
~ A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous
lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'
~ A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous
lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'
☼
~ On his first day on the job, a rookie New York City cop
went out on patrol with his more experienced partner.
When they reached 42nd Street, they saw a group of
people gathered on a street corner.
"I'll handle it," said the rookie excitedly.
He approached the crowd and shooed them all along.
The crowd reluctantly dispersed, looking puzzled.
The rookie got back in the car and said, "Not bad, huh?"
"Yeah," said his partner.
"You did okay...... Too bad that was a bus stop."
went out on patrol with his more experienced partner.
When they reached 42nd Street, they saw a group of
people gathered on a street corner.
"I'll handle it," said the rookie excitedly.
He approached the crowd and shooed them all along.
The crowd reluctantly dispersed, looking puzzled.
The rookie got back in the car and said, "Not bad, huh?"
"Yeah," said his partner.
"You did okay...... Too bad that was a bus stop."
☼
~ Two small boys were hesitant about approaching
their mother for a permission which was almost certain
to be denied.
They felt they must take the long shot..."You ask her."
said Billy to his younger brother...
"No, you do it," said the younger boy .......
"You've known her longer than I have!"
their mother for a permission which was almost certain
to be denied.
They felt they must take the long shot..."You ask her."
said Billy to his younger brother...
"No, you do it," said the younger boy .......
"You've known her longer than I have!"
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* We were sitting down for dinner one evening and it
was my three-year-old son Roy's turn to say grace.
He sat on his chair, bowed his head, folded his hands
and said, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the lasagna.
You can't have any.
Amen."
was my three-year-old son Roy's turn to say grace.
He sat on his chair, bowed his head, folded his hands
and said, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the lasagna.
You can't have any.
Amen."
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Pete's Thought of the day:
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from
nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bier
nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bier
Rae's trivia......
South Korea's disgraced former "supreme scientist"
Hwang Woo-suk is making headlines again, this time
for allegedly having successfully cloned coyotes for the
first time.
In 2005, Hwang scandalized the international scientific
community when his breakthrough research involving
the cloning of human embryonic stem cells was found
to have been fabricated.
The one-time national hero was stripped of his titles
and fired from his post at Seoul National University,
but he hopes that his new work will help him reclaim his
standing in the scientific community.
Hwang Woo-suk is making headlines again, this time
for allegedly having successfully cloned coyotes for the
first time.
In 2005, Hwang scandalized the international scientific
community when his breakthrough research involving
the cloning of human embryonic stem cells was found
to have been fabricated.
The one-time national hero was stripped of his titles
and fired from his post at Seoul National University,
but he hopes that his new work will help him reclaim his
standing in the scientific community.
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