Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning...Going to be a fine day...
Mostly sunny in the morning...
then becoming mostly cloudy.
Highs in the lower 70s.
45º now.....
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♥♥♥

~  "Does anyone in this room need to be dismissed
from jury duty?" my father, a judge, asked a roomful of
prospective jurors.
 A nervous young man stood up.
"I’d like to be dismissed," he said.
 "And why is that?"
 "My wife is about to conceive."
 Slightly taken aback, Dad responded, "I believe, sir,
you mean ‘deliver.’
But either way, I agree.
You should be there."

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~  My laptop was driving me crazy.
"The A, E, and I keys always stick," I complained to a
friend.
 She quickly diagnosed the problem.
"Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel
syndrome."

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~  A distraught mum rushed into the back yard,
where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom
of an old upturned tin bath with a poker.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy.
"Where is the baby?" asked his Mum.
"Under the bath."

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~  Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.
"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin'
 ta night school ta take Spanish lessons.
How cum?"
"Uh huh," answered Odell.
"We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we
wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old
 enough ta talk!"

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~  Mrs. Martin was called to serve for jury duty,
but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in
capital punishment and didn't want her personal
thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper
course.
 But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and
quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was
appropriate to serve on the jury.
 "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial!
 It's a simple civil lawsuit.
A wife is bringing this case against her husband because
he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use
to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
 "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Martin, "I'll serve.
I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment
after all."

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~  A logging company needed to hire another
lumberjack, the first guy to apply was a short little skinny
fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to
leave.
"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.
"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut
down that cedar over there."
Two minutes later he was back at the manager's office,
"Tree's cut....... Do I get the job?"
"I don't believe it, that is so much faster than even my
best lumberjack could have done it.
Where did you learn to use an axe like that?"
the manager inquired.
"Sahara Forest," the little guy replied.
"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert," the manager
corrected him.
"Sure, that's what they call it now."

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~  In a rough football game tempers were high. 
The referee called a penalty and walked off fifteen yards.
 Infuriated, one of the players yelled out.....  "You stink!"
Without stopping, the referee stepped off another fifteen
 yards and called back, "How's the aroma from here?"

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~  An attorney ran over to the office of his client. 
"I can't believe it!" said the angered attorney. 
"You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our
case?
That judge is as straight as an arrow.
Now we're certain to lose this case!"
"Relax," said the client, "I sent it in the prosecutor's
name."

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Todays Thought:

* "The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails." - William Arthur Ward

Rae's Trivia......

Humphrey Bogart’s ashes are in an urn that also
contains a small gold whistle.
Lauren Bacall had the whistle inscribed
"If you need anything, just whistle" the words she spoke
 to him in their first film together, To Have and Have Not.

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