Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning..Friends.
Same forcast as the last 2 days...
Patchy fog in the morning. Mostly sunny.
Highs in the upper 70s. reading 50º this morning...
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~  A pastor who was badly overworked went to the local
medical center and was able to have a clone made.
The clone was like the pastor in every respect--except
that the clone used extraordinarily foul language.
The cloned pastor was exceptionally gifted in many
other areas of pastoral work, but finally the complaints
about the dirty language were too much.
The pastor was not too sure how to get rid of the clone
so that it wouldn't look like murder.
The best thing, he decided, was to make the clone's
death look like an accident.
So the pastor lured the clone onto a bridge in the
middle of the night and pushed the clone off the bridge.
Unfortunately there was a police officer who happened
by at that very moment and arrested the pastor for
making an obscene clone fall.

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~  A woman confided to her girlfriend,
"My ex-husband wants to marry me again."
The friend said, "How flattering."
The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the
money I married him for."

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~  Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's
wife stopped by his office.
 When she opened the door, she found him with his
secretary sitting in his lap.
 Without hesitating, he dictated, "
...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no
budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office
with just one chair."

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~  Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris'
butt.
He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse
kick to the face.

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~  “Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “
and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.
 Everyone but Philip began to write furiously.
He just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.
 “What’s the matter,” the teacher asked.
“Why don’t you begin?”
 “I’m waiting for my secretary,” he replied.

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~  Three ministers are talking over lunch and before
long find themselves discussing how much of the
weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much
to give to the Lord.
The first minister says, "I just draw a line on the floor,
put one foot on both sides, and throw the money into
the air.
Whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's
and whatever lands on the left is mine."
The second minister notes that he uses a similar method,
but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money
in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the
Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine."
They both contemplate each other's answer and finally
turn to the third minister who is sitting there without
saying anything.
"Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third.
"Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the
air, but I figure whatever the Lord wants, he'll grab,
and I keep whatever hits the floor."

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~  When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law
before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an
accomplice.
 When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law
after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense
lawyer.

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~  Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf,
made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal,
buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first
liability.

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~  I joined a gym recently.
 I don't have the best history in the world of sticking
with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this times
gonna be different.
I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get
into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85
a month fat tax.

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Todays Thought:

* An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
 - Mahatma Gandhi

Rae's trivia......

As a child, Beethoven made such a poor impression on
his music teachers that he was pronounced hopeless
as a composer.
Even Haydn, who taught him harmony, did not recognize
Beethoven’s potential genius.