Today's weather is the same as yesterday....
Patchy fog in the morning. Sunny.
Highs in the upper 70s.
I'm reading 48º right now....
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♥♥♥
* A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work
to appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after
endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon,
he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would
be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would
have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp
query, roared out loud:
"Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge
relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know.
But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
to appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after
endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon,
he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would
be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would
have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp
query, roared out loud:
"Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge
relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know.
But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
☼
~ "Do you possess any pornographic material?"
"Hell, I don't even own a pornograph."
~ "Do you possess any pornographic material?"
"Hell, I don't even own a pornograph."
☼
~~ QUESTION: What did the papa buffalo say to the
baby buffalo before he went to work?
ANSWER: "Bison"!
baby buffalo before he went to work?
ANSWER: "Bison"!
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* While making his rounds, a doctor points out an X ray
to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because
his left fibula and tibia are radically arched."
The doctor turns to one of the students and asks,
"What would you do in a case like this?" "Well,"
ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp, too."
to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because
his left fibula and tibia are radically arched."
The doctor turns to one of the students and asks,
"What would you do in a case like this?" "Well,"
ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp, too."
☼
* A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the
best positiions for prayer, while a telephone repairman
worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest
said.
"No" said the minister.
"I get the best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said.
"The most effective prayer position is lying down on the
floor.
The repairman couldn't contain himself any longer,
"Hey fellas," he interrupted.
"The best praying I ever did was when I was hanging
upside down from a telephone pole."
best positiions for prayer, while a telephone repairman
worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest
said.
"No" said the minister.
"I get the best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said.
"The most effective prayer position is lying down on the
floor.
The repairman couldn't contain himself any longer,
"Hey fellas," he interrupted.
"The best praying I ever did was when I was hanging
upside down from a telephone pole."
☼
~~ My male roommate and I mixed up our nicotine
and testosterone patches.
He got cranky and hungry.
I got a raise and a corner office.
and testosterone patches.
He got cranky and hungry.
I got a raise and a corner office.
☼
~ During the process of becoming a Canadian citizen,
I had to go before a citizenship judge for an interview.
Before asking me questions about my knowledge of
Canadian history, government and geography, the
judge asked me about myself and where I came from.
He asked me where I was born and I replied,
"Reading, Pennsylvania."
"Oh," he said, "where the Reading Railroad is?"
I was impressed that he knew exactly where I was born
and said so to my wife as we were leaving the judge's
chambers.
"He probably played the game Monopoly like everyone
else!" my wife replied, popping my balloon.
I had to go before a citizenship judge for an interview.
Before asking me questions about my knowledge of
Canadian history, government and geography, the
judge asked me about myself and where I came from.
He asked me where I was born and I replied,
"Reading, Pennsylvania."
"Oh," he said, "where the Reading Railroad is?"
I was impressed that he knew exactly where I was born
and said so to my wife as we were leaving the judge's
chambers.
"He probably played the game Monopoly like everyone
else!" my wife replied, popping my balloon.
☼
~ Al Gore and Bill and Hillary Clinton go to heaven,
and God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election,
but that it was your will that I did not serve.
And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says.
"Very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill.
"Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness.
I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my
fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven,
my son...... Come and sit at my right."
Then God addresses Hillary.
"Hillary, what do you believe in?"
She replies: "I believe you're in my chair."
and God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election,
but that it was your will that I did not serve.
And I've come to understand that now."
God thinks for a second and says.
"Very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill.
"Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness.
I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my
fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven,
my son...... Come and sit at my right."
Then God addresses Hillary.
"Hillary, what do you believe in?"
She replies: "I believe you're in my chair."
☼
~ One father doubts that his teen-age daughter's tour
of Europe impressed her much:
"All she remembers is that Mona Lisa needed more
eye shadow."
of Europe impressed her much:
"All she remembers is that Mona Lisa needed more
eye shadow."
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Today's Thought:
*Patriotism is the conviction that your country is
superior to all others because you were born in it.
- George Bernard Shaw
superior to all others because you were born in it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Rae's Trivia......
While Rome ruled the world, Jesus Christ, son of Mary,
was born in a cave, not in a wooden stable.
Caves were used to house animals because they
retained heat.
A large church is now built over the cave, and people can
go inside.
The carpenters of Jesus’ day were really stonecutters
as wood was not used as widely as it is today.
So whenever you see a Christmas nativity scene with a
wooden stable, that’s the "American" version,
not the Biblical one.
was born in a cave, not in a wooden stable.
Caves were used to house animals because they
retained heat.
A large church is now built over the cave, and people can
go inside.
The carpenters of Jesus’ day were really stonecutters
as wood was not used as widely as it is today.
So whenever you see a Christmas nativity scene with a
wooden stable, that’s the "American" version,
not the Biblical one.
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