Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning, readers....
RainToday.... Highs in the mid 60s.
East winds 10 to 15 mph.
Chance of rain near 100 percent.
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~ The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day,
leaving several of us stranded.
Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers,
 I dialed the first and explained our situation.
 After what seemed to be a very long silence,
the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you
expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.”
 “A psychologist?” I replied.
“Your phone is listed here as an emergency number.
Can’t you help us?”
 “Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone.
“How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?”

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  ~  My son said he wants to dress up as a Jehovah's
Witness for Halloween.
I told him it would be dumb.
Nobody would answer the door.

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~  I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted.
 So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone.
During my physical, the doctor asked softly,
"Can you read the letters on the wall?"
"What letters?" I answered slyly.
 "Good," said the doctor.
"You passed the hearing test."

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~  A blonde was taking money out of an ATM.
The blonde behind her in the line said,
"Haa! Haa! Haaaaaa! I've seen your password.
It's 4 asterisks (****)."
The first blonde replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa!
You are so wrong...... It's 1258."

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~  My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one
 day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what it
meant.
I was so shocked that I could say only, "Shame on you,"
followed by, "If anyone does that to you, just say,
"Shame on you" to that person.
Next week we were at the dinner table when my husband
let out a huge belch.
I reprimanded him by saying, "Shame on you."
Imagine my husband's shock when my daughter held
up her middle finger, showed it to him, and exclaimed,
"Mom, you forgot to give Daddy the 'shame on you' sign."

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*  A man was visiting a friend in the hospital,
and he noticed that several of the pretty nurses were
wearing pins designed to look like apples. 
He stopped one of the nurses and asked her what the
pin signified.
"Oh, it's nothing," she smiled.
"It's just to keep the doctors away."

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*  One night, as he finished his last beer, Joe's doorbell
rang.
He answered the door and found a six-foot cockroach
standing there.
The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across
the room, then left.
The next night, the doorbell rang, and found the same
six-foot cockroach standing there.
The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The same thing happened the next night.
This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the
ear as he doubled over in pain.
Then the big bug left.
The following day, Joe went to see his doctor.
He explained the events of the preceding four nights.
"What can I do?" he pleaded.
"Not much" the doctor replied......
"There's just a nasty bug going around."

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~  Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the
local paper were the main reason for the long line that
formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line,
only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.
 On the man's second attempt, he was punched square
in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to
the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at
the end of the line,
"That does it! If they hit me one more time,
 I don't open the damn store!"

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~  A butcher was waiting on one woman when another
woman ran into the shop and said frantically,
"Quick, give me a pound of dog food!" 
Then she turned to the first woman and said,
"I hope you don't mind my butting in ahead of you."
 "No," said the first woman, "not if you're that hungry!"

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Todays Thought;

* Being told something for your own good seldom does
you any.

Rae's trivia.....

The human heart creates enough pressure when it
pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The human heart grows by enlargement of cells,
not by cell multiplication.
A baby’s heart is the size of an adult’s, but contains the
same number of cells.