# 1435

Good Morning, Friends and Neighbors...
Today we are having;
Cloudy with a slight chance of thunderstorms.
Showers likely...mainly in the afternoon.
Highs in the upper 60s.
East winds 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 70 percent.
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Hell, I never did understand it.......

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♥♥♥

~  How to safely travel by plane.....
Just as the plane's about to take off, stand up and sing
the Afghanistan national anthem.
If anyone joins in, GET THE Hell OFF THE PLANE.

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~  One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at
his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral
hound floats in through the door.
The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy,
asks "yeah, what do you want?".
The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice
"I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly
barman stitches it back-on".
At this request the barman stands back astonished and
says to the phantom dog.....
"Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".

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 ~  I decided to take my cross eyed son ..to the doctors
to get his sight rectified.
Amazingly, he fixed it by taking a straw, shoving it up
my son's arse, and lightly blowing.
 Seeing I was stunned he said "It's easy.
Why don't you have a go".
So, I pulled out the straw, turned it around, and
reinserted it.
"What are you doing?" asked the doctor.
 "Ewewwwww.......
 I don't want to put my lips where yours have been!"

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~  I failed a Health and Safety test at a new job I was
applying for today.
 One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what
steps would you take?"
 "Damn' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

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~  It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first
date.
They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to
start.
The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for
the cinema's concession stand.
Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.
The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the
crowd loudly shouted...
'Okay, who's got the remote control?'

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~  Biblical Puns .....
Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into
Samson's house?
A: She picked his locks.
Q: Why didn't Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the
wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.

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Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn't want to split hairs.

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 ~  A man takes his dog to the vet.
?My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for
him?
?Well,? says the vet, ?let?s take a look at him.?
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, ?I?m going to have to put him down.?
What?...... Because he is cross-eyed??
?No, because he?s really heavy.?

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~  A strained voice called out through the darkened
theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in
a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"

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Todays Thought:

*An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea
whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

Rae's Trivia......

The crocodile cannot move his tongue.
The whole tongue is rooted to the base of his mouth.
So he can’t stick out his tongue at you, but you can
always stick your tongue out at him.

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