Mostly sunny, Today.
Highs in the upper 60s.
Northwest winds 5 to 10 mph.
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~ I start a new project and half an hour into it, i'm
wondering why i'm so tired...then i remember that i'm
not 18 anymore.
Hell, i only vaguely remember ever being 18.
HELP! i'm trapped in a body that's falling apart!
why doesn't my skin fit anymore?
wondering why i'm so tired...then i remember that i'm
not 18 anymore.
Hell, i only vaguely remember ever being 18.
HELP! i'm trapped in a body that's falling apart!
why doesn't my skin fit anymore?
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~ The day after Christmas, I had a guy knock on my
door, trying to preach to me about Jesus, saying how I
should repent for my sins.
My 10-year-old son was still excited and ran to the
door shouting "Santa Claus came to my house!"
The man looked at me and said "Isn't he a bit old to
believe that there's an invisible man in the sky,
watching everything you do, judging whether you're
good or bad?"
I looked at him and asked "Sorry, which church were
you from again?"
door, trying to preach to me about Jesus, saying how I
should repent for my sins.
My 10-year-old son was still excited and ran to the
door shouting "Santa Claus came to my house!"
The man looked at me and said "Isn't he a bit old to
believe that there's an invisible man in the sky,
watching everything you do, judging whether you're
good or bad?"
I looked at him and asked "Sorry, which church were
you from again?"
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~ Son, a little bird tells me that you like to smoke weed..
Dad, I think you`re the one who smokes.
Coz I`am not the one who talks to birds....
Dad, I think you`re the one who smokes.
Coz I`am not the one who talks to birds....
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~ A guy is having a drink in a bar when...
someone runs in and shouts, "Bob!
I just saw your wife French kissing the mailman!"
The guy drops his glass, throws a chair through the
window, leaps out the window, falls two stories and
breaks his leg.
"Wait a sec," he thinks.
"I'm not married and my name isn't Bob."
someone runs in and shouts, "Bob!
I just saw your wife French kissing the mailman!"
The guy drops his glass, throws a chair through the
window, leaps out the window, falls two stories and
breaks his leg.
"Wait a sec," he thinks.
"I'm not married and my name isn't Bob."
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~ My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous
line for a 15 year-old male patient.
The bedside phone rang and the boy’s mother reached
over to pick it up.
After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the
phone aside and said, “Your father wants to know if you
have any cute nurses.”
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised
above his arm, ready for insertion.
“Tell him,” he replied, “they’re absolutely gorgeous!”
line for a 15 year-old male patient.
The bedside phone rang and the boy’s mother reached
over to pick it up.
After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the
phone aside and said, “Your father wants to know if you
have any cute nurses.”
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised
above his arm, ready for insertion.
“Tell him,” he replied, “they’re absolutely gorgeous!”
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~ Chuck Norris knows 47 ways to decapitate a man
with only a slice of pecan pie.
with only a slice of pecan pie.
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~ A blonde had been missing from work for over a
week when finally someone noticed and called the
police.
They went to her apartment, broke the door down, and
found her dead in the shower with an empty bottle of
shampoo next to her.
Apparently she'd been washing her hair.
The instructions on the bottle said:
* Wet hair
* Apply shampoo
* Wait 2 minutes
* Rinse
* Repeat......
week when finally someone noticed and called the
police.
They went to her apartment, broke the door down, and
found her dead in the shower with an empty bottle of
shampoo next to her.
Apparently she'd been washing her hair.
The instructions on the bottle said:
* Wet hair
* Apply shampoo
* Wait 2 minutes
* Rinse
* Repeat......
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~ The level of pollution in the world today is becoming
intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it
was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it
was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
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Todays Thought:
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall
never be disappointed." - Alexander Pope
never be disappointed." - Alexander Pope
Rae's Trivia....
Groundhog Day owes its true origins to the ancient
Greeks, who believed that an animal’s shadow was its
soul, blackened by the past year’s sins.
While the animal hibernates, its soul is cleansed by
nature, and if it wakes up before winter is over, it will
see the dirty shadow and be horrified and then return to
its den for more purification.
Greeks, who believed that an animal’s shadow was its
soul, blackened by the past year’s sins.
While the animal hibernates, its soul is cleansed by
nature, and if it wakes up before winter is over, it will
see the dirty shadow and be horrified and then return to
its den for more purification.
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