Todays weather....
Showers with a chance of thunderstorms.
Locally heavy rainfall possible.
Highs in the upper 70s. Northeast winds around 5 mph...
Chance of rain near 100 percent.
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He looks happy, for someone who's going to be eaten...
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Now this egg and cheese on waffles looks real good
this morning...
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This crutter sez carrots are better for yah......
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Pete's cooking with gas....huh?
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Something don't look right......
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Yeah, I do too.. a big gas explosion...
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I see you gots your friend or is that lunch??
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Yep! you look weird, alright!....
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What can you say??
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A lazy day just floating on the river......
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Well, time to go... But I'll leave you with this
Good looker.....
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♥♥♥
~ Pete..... Just wanted to let you know -
today I received my 2011 Obama Stimulus Package.
It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix,
a Prayer Rug and 10 coupons to KFC.
The directions were in Spanish.
Hope you get yours soon.
today I received my 2011 Obama Stimulus Package.
It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix,
a Prayer Rug and 10 coupons to KFC.
The directions were in Spanish.
Hope you get yours soon.
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~ Pete said; Meeting with my new pastor,
I asked if I could have a church service when I eventually
die.
"Of course," he said, grabbing his date book.
"What day do you want?"
I asked if I could have a church service when I eventually
die.
"Of course," he said, grabbing his date book.
"What day do you want?"
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~ Pete went into the doctor's office for his annual
checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything
unusual he should know about.
So Pete told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over
the last year, because it didn't fit when he went to get
ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet.
You probably put on a few pounds."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single
pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of
Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Pete.
"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your
drawers."
checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything
unusual he should know about.
So Pete told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over
the last year, because it didn't fit when he went to get
ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet.
You probably put on a few pounds."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single
pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of
Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Pete.
"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your
drawers."
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~ The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods,
then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across
the fairway into some other woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times he
proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional
had been watching.
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied......
"What game are you playing?"
then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across
the fairway into some other woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times he
proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional
had been watching.
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied......
"What game are you playing?"
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~ A young boy asks his father......
"Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind
of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son,
we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
there are all kinds of breasts.
Depending on a woman's age, they are different shapes.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons,
round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears,
still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions, Dad?"
Yeah, you see them and they make you cry!
"Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind
of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son,
we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
there are all kinds of breasts.
Depending on a woman's age, they are different shapes.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons,
round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears,
still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions, Dad?"
Yeah, you see them and they make you cry!
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~ My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his
bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother.
But in order to get an unbiased opinion,
he invited over three other female friends as well and
didn't tell his mom which one he intended to marry.
After the four women left, he asked his mother,
"Can you guess which one I want to marry?"
"The one with short hair."
"Yes! How'd you know?"
"Because that's the one I didn't like."
bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother.
But in order to get an unbiased opinion,
he invited over three other female friends as well and
didn't tell his mom which one he intended to marry.
After the four women left, he asked his mother,
"Can you guess which one I want to marry?"
"The one with short hair."
"Yes! How'd you know?"
"Because that's the one I didn't like."
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~ Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect people
who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He/She was the perfect son/daughter" or "She/He
was the perfect wife/husband."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad my kids are screwed up and my wife
hates me.
Kind of makes me immortal.
who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He/She was the perfect son/daughter" or "She/He
was the perfect wife/husband."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad my kids are screwed up and my wife
hates me.
Kind of makes me immortal.
☼
~ A blonde woman goes to the local psychic in hopes
of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins
warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she
begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates,
saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat,
responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”
“It’s really, really you, grandmother?”,
the woman repeats.
“Yes, it’s really me, granddaughter.”
The blonde looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you,
grandmother?”
“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”
The blonde pauses a moment, “Grandmother,
I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my child.”
“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?”
of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins
warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she
begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates,
saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat,
responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”
“It’s really, really you, grandmother?”,
the woman repeats.
“Yes, it’s really me, granddaughter.”
The blonde looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you,
grandmother?”
“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”
The blonde pauses a moment, “Grandmother,
I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my child.”
“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?”
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~ My wife..is so lazy.
One time I told her "Honey, we're having trouble making
ends meet.
I think we need to become a two income family."
She said, "If you think you can handle two jobs, go for it.....
One time I told her "Honey, we're having trouble making
ends meet.
I think we need to become a two income family."
She said, "If you think you can handle two jobs, go for it.....
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~ When I was young I used to think Earwigs actually
lived in your ears!
I was downright terrified of cockroaches.
lived in your ears!
I was downright terrified of cockroaches.
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Todays Thought;
Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
or
It is much easier to be critical than correct.
Benjamin Disraeli
Rae's Trivia.....
A kangaroo mother holds a reserve embryo inside of
her after her first baby has crawled into her pouch.
This serves as an emergency back-up baby,
should the first one die prematurely.
her after her first baby has crawled into her pouch.
This serves as an emergency back-up baby,
should the first one die prematurely.
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