Cloudy. A chance of showers in the morning...
then a chance of showers with isolated thunderstorms in
the afternoon. Highs in the lower 80s
Chance of rain 50 percent.
☼
Pete, hows this for a breakfast?
Don't this make you drool?
☼
What happens if the dogs don't like it??
☼
A Boston Pig?
☼
He's wondering if you taste good...
☼
Okay, Okay...I'll put them on.....
☼
There's no hiding from the boss....
no bacon for you....
☼
Oh, no...Leave my mouse alone....
get your own mouse....
☼
Okay...Sorry I made you mad....
How about some Bacon??
☼
Why are you chatting??
Not hungry yet?
☼
Now that is profound....
☼
He must have been around too long.....
☼
Well time to leave....
See you tomorrow.....
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~ Pete, i just heard they caught someone jumping the
white house fence......
The secret service brought pres. obama back to the
white house and told him he has to finish his term.
white house fence......
The secret service brought pres. obama back to the
white house and told him he has to finish his term.
☼
~ A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high
bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the top of the
brige, she noticed a young man fixin' (ready) to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and
said, " Please don't jump, think of your dear mother
and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to
jump".
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any
kids"
She said, "Well, think of the Alamo ."
He replied, "What's the Alamo ?"
She replied, "Well,bless your heart, just go ahead
and jump, you dumbass Yankee."
bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the top of the
brige, she noticed a young man fixin' (ready) to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and
said, " Please don't jump, think of your dear mother
and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to
jump".
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any
kids"
She said, "Well, think of the Alamo ."
He replied, "What's the Alamo ?"
She replied, "Well,bless your heart, just go ahead
and jump, you dumbass Yankee."
☼
~ A spanish man who spoke no English went into an
English department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the Men's Wear department where
a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice
suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes.
Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the
salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas.
Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl,
beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas.
Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted
a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.
Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es."
(say it out loud)
"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the
beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.
English department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the Men's Wear department where
a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice
suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes.
Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the
salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas.
Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl,
beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas.
Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted
a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.
Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es."
(say it out loud)
"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the
beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.
☼
~ A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor
for talking back to his foreman.
"Is it true that you called him a liar?
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"Yes."
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac ass?"
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
for talking back to his foreman.
"Is it true that you called him a liar?
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"Yes."
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac ass?"
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
☼
* There once was a man who was so proud of the fact
that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife
"mother of six."
His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not
to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very
proud that he had six kids.
One evening they were at a dinner party for his company
and it was getting close to the time that they should be
leaving.
The husband yelled from across the room over to his
wife, "mother of six, are you ready to go?"
Annoyed with his question, she responded,
"In a minute, Father of four."
that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife
"mother of six."
His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not
to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very
proud that he had six kids.
One evening they were at a dinner party for his company
and it was getting close to the time that they should be
leaving.
The husband yelled from across the room over to his
wife, "mother of six, are you ready to go?"
Annoyed with his question, she responded,
"In a minute, Father of four."
☼
~ Prospective husband: Do you have a book called
"Man, The Master of Women"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side,
sir.
"Man, The Master of Women"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side,
sir.
☼
~ Unfortunately, people don't trust the word of
politicians anymore.
While on vacation a congressman went deep-sea fishing
and caught an enormous specimen.
But after looking at it he returned it to the ocean.
What's the use?" he said.
Nobody is going to believe this."
politicians anymore.
While on vacation a congressman went deep-sea fishing
and caught an enormous specimen.
But after looking at it he returned it to the ocean.
What's the use?" he said.
Nobody is going to believe this."
☼
* Computer users are divided into three types:
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
~Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply
pressing a key might break their computer.
~Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix
their computer after they've just pressed a key that
broke it.
~Expert Users - People who press the keys that break
other people's computers.
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
~Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply
pressing a key might break their computer.
~Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix
their computer after they've just pressed a key that
broke it.
~Expert Users - People who press the keys that break
other people's computers.
☼
~ Two business associates, Frank and Glen, were about
to start a round of golf when Frank turned to Glen and
remarked, "You've got two caddies now?
You're really moving up in the world!"
"Oh, that was my wife's idea," Glen replied.
"Your wife? I wish my wife would suggest such a thing!" exclaimed Frank.
"Yeah," said Glen.
"She thought I should spend more time with the kids..."
to start a round of golf when Frank turned to Glen and
remarked, "You've got two caddies now?
You're really moving up in the world!"
"Oh, that was my wife's idea," Glen replied.
"Your wife? I wish my wife would suggest such a thing!" exclaimed Frank.
"Yeah," said Glen.
"She thought I should spend more time with the kids..."
☼
~ Mrs. Campbell once attempted to smuggle her pet
Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the
upper part of her cape.
"Everything was going splendidly," she later remarked,
"until my bosom barked."
Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the
upper part of her cape.
"Everything was going splendidly," she later remarked,
"until my bosom barked."
☼
* Mobile phones are the only subject on which men
boast about who's got the smallest.
boast about who's got the smallest.
☼
* A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp
in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie popped out.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes.
The only condition is that you cannot wish for more
wishes."
"Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."
in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie popped out.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes.
The only condition is that you cannot wish for more
wishes."
"Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."
☼
* People fart the most in their sleep, particularly if they
went to Taco Bell.
went to Taco Bell.
☼
* married my wife for her looks..
But not the ones i've been getting lately.
But not the ones i've been getting lately.
☼
☼
Todays Thought:
To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good
plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.
Margaret Thatcher
plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.
Margaret Thatcher
Rae's Trivia....
Elephant herds post their own sentries.
Whenever danger threatens, the lookout raises its trunk,
and though it may be as far as a half-mile away,
the rest of the herd is instantly alerted.
How this communication takes place is not understood.
Whenever danger threatens, the lookout raises its trunk,
and though it may be as far as a half-mile away,
the rest of the herd is instantly alerted.
How this communication takes place is not understood.
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