Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers..
Highs in the mid 80s.
TGIF day.....
☼
Lady, that's a healthy burger....
I don't think you can eat that....
☼
Lady....don't look now.....But.........
☼
You think so??
☼
Oh, come on, Pierre....
☼
Need some eye Bleach, do ya.......
☼
Yeah, I thought it was funny too........
☼
This is so true......
☼
Hey! What ever works......
☼
☼
☼
I'd go but I can't get into my car....
I washed it and it Shrunk......
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~ A prisoner at the Greene Max started training a large
fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the
insect.
It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny
one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing
songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to
the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a
fortune."
Finally the day arrived.
Fly safely tucked away in his pocket,
(inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to
a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he brought out his trick fly.
On cue, it started moonwalking.
"What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy
of the newspaper , rolled it up and squished the fly with
a mighty swipe.
"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender.
"Blasted things are everywhere..
fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the
insect.
It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny
one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing
songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to
the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a
fortune."
Finally the day arrived.
Fly safely tucked away in his pocket,
(inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to
a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he brought out his trick fly.
On cue, it started moonwalking.
"What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy
of the newspaper , rolled it up and squished the fly with
a mighty swipe.
"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender.
"Blasted things are everywhere..
☼
~ My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a
dog for protection since she drove all over the country.
As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her,
“He doesn’t like men.”
“Perfect,” my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.
Then one day she was approached by two men in a
parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine
bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn’t kidding.
As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
dog for protection since she drove all over the country.
As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her,
“He doesn’t like men.”
“Perfect,” my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.
Then one day she was approached by two men in a
parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine
bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn’t kidding.
As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
☼
~ A drunken man walked up to a parking meter and
puts in some change.
The meter goes up to sixty and he says,
"Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"
puts in some change.
The meter goes up to sixty and he says,
"Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"
☼
~ A young couple drove several miles down a country
road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and
neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the
husband sarcastically asked,
"Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied...... "I married into the family."
road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and
neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the
husband sarcastically asked,
"Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied...... "I married into the family."
☼
~ My dozy Wife has just got her breasts insured
for $250,000....
I don't think she understood what I meant when I told
her she should get them covered.
for $250,000....
I don't think she understood what I meant when I told
her she should get them covered.
☼
~ A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge,
and there was this character standing there with a cup
in his hand.
He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family?
I said, Sure.
And I pushed him off the bridge.
and there was this character standing there with a cup
in his hand.
He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family?
I said, Sure.
And I pushed him off the bridge.
☼
~ The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye;
1.Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries"
actually helpful reasearch.
2.He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts
as his trusty assistant.
3.His best disguise is wearing a hat.
4.Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
5.Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder
ring.
6.Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from
"Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the
suspect.
7.Well, he's blind.
1.Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries"
actually helpful reasearch.
2.He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts
as his trusty assistant.
3.His best disguise is wearing a hat.
4.Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
5.Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder
ring.
6.Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from
"Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the
suspect.
7.Well, he's blind.
☼
~ For years he thought he was damn good in bed,
till he found out
his girlfriend had asthma !
till he found out
his girlfriend had asthma !
☼
~ Some Dr. in a study says that onions are the
only vegetable that can make you cry.
.. but I bet he has never been hit in the face by a turnip ..
only vegetable that can make you cry.
.. but I bet he has never been hit in the face by a turnip ..
☼
~ I was sitting at a traffic light today next to a car load
of Muslims when a big semi-trailer drove right over the
top of their car!....... Flattened it!
"Wow!" I thought, "That could have been me"...
so I went and got a Commercial driver's license.
of Muslims when a big semi-trailer drove right over the
top of their car!....... Flattened it!
"Wow!" I thought, "That could have been me"...
so I went and got a Commercial driver's license.
☼
~ A Blond called an auto parts store and asked for a
28-ounce water pump.
"What?" asked the confused parts guy.
She said, "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce
water pump."
"A 28-ounce water pump?
What kind of car does it fit?" asked the parts guy.
"A Datsun," replied the woman.
As the parts guy wrote down her request, a light went on
in his head.
"Oh, yes, ma'am.
We've got 28-ounce water pumps," he said.
"We also have 24-ounce and 26-ounce pumps."
"Finally," she said.
"You're the first place I've called that knew what I was
talking about."
"Yes ma'am," said parts guy, smiling, as he jotted
down ......."Datsun 280Z water pump..."
28-ounce water pump.
"What?" asked the confused parts guy.
She said, "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce
water pump."
"A 28-ounce water pump?
What kind of car does it fit?" asked the parts guy.
"A Datsun," replied the woman.
As the parts guy wrote down her request, a light went on
in his head.
"Oh, yes, ma'am.
We've got 28-ounce water pumps," he said.
"We also have 24-ounce and 26-ounce pumps."
"Finally," she said.
"You're the first place I've called that knew what I was
talking about."
"Yes ma'am," said parts guy, smiling, as he jotted
down ......."Datsun 280Z water pump..."
☼
~ One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
~ One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
☼
☼
Todays Thought;
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom,
must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
Rae's Trivia....
A stingray never actually sees its food as it eats,
since its eyes are on top of its head and its mouth and
nostrils are on the bottom.
This would certainly be an advantage at certain
restaurants.
since its eyes are on top of its head and its mouth and
nostrils are on the bottom.
This would certainly be an advantage at certain
restaurants.
What can I say... fab pics, funny jokes, thoughtful phrases and fascinating facts I love it when I get time to catch up. Hope the weather is not playing your COPD up too much Rae xx
ReplyDelete