Mostly cloudy. Showers and thunderstorms likely...
mainly in the afternoon. Highs in the mid 80s.
East winds around 5 mph... becoming south in the afternoon.
Chance of rain 70 percent.
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This is giving called 'giving your dog exercise!'
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Now! this is a cat house.......
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Yeah, I knew you would like it....
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Nuttin much.....
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That's great...
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Don't you pull the curtains down...
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Are you hungry?
There's a lot of good eatin there...
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Oh, no! my ming lamp...
you busted it...
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Mitch, done made her mad.....
He's in a heap of trouble....
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Damn, I don't wanna go were you been......
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Well, it's that time....
So i'll go in my "John Deere" pickum up.....
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♥♥♥
~ My dog left so many bad stains on my old carpet that
we had to buy some new.
I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase so I
cut the stains out of the old.
When the carpet guy asked me what color I wanted,
I pulled the stained ones out of my pocket and said,
Yeah, can you match this color!!
we had to buy some new.
I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase so I
cut the stains out of the old.
When the carpet guy asked me what color I wanted,
I pulled the stained ones out of my pocket and said,
Yeah, can you match this color!!
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* I bought a new boomarang; took me 3 weeks to throw
the old one away!
the old one away!
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* Boss asks employee:
"Do you believe that there is life after death?"
Employee answers:
"Certainly not, there's no proof of it", he replied.
Boss tells employee:
"Well, there is now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your brother's
funeral, he came here looking for you."
"Do you believe that there is life after death?"
Employee answers:
"Certainly not, there's no proof of it", he replied.
Boss tells employee:
"Well, there is now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your brother's
funeral, he came here looking for you."
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* It puzzles me how a child can see a dairy bar three
miles away, but cannot see a rug that has scrunched up
under his feet and has been dragged through two rooms.
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog served
at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents
each. - Erma Bombeck
miles away, but cannot see a rug that has scrunched up
under his feet and has been dragged through two rooms.
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog served
at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents
each. - Erma Bombeck
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* A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about
half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!” said her father, “That was short.
You usually talk for two hours.
What happened?”
“Wrong number…” replied the girl.
half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!” said her father, “That was short.
You usually talk for two hours.
What happened?”
“Wrong number…” replied the girl.
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* Most relationships are based on sincerity.
If you can fake that, you got it made!!
If you can fake that, you got it made!!
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* A man with a winking problem is applying for a
position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal.
You've graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is
unparalleled.
Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible
position, and we're afraid that your constant winking
will scare off potential customers.
I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said..... "If I take two aspirin,
I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and
begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms,
blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms;
finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good,
but this is a respectable company, and we will not have
our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean?
I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed.
"Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and
asked for aspirin?"
position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal.
You've graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is
unparalleled.
Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible
position, and we're afraid that your constant winking
will scare off potential customers.
I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said..... "If I take two aspirin,
I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and
begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms,
blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms;
finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good,
but this is a respectable company, and we will not have
our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean?
I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed.
"Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and
asked for aspirin?"
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~ The 1st 10 years of a girl life is spent playin' with
Barbies.
The next 10 years are spent tryin' look like one...
Barbies.
The next 10 years are spent tryin' look like one...
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~ There once was a priest, a minister, and a rabbi fishing
in a boat together.
One day, the priest said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out
of the boat.
He then walked on water and took a drink from a booth
on the beach.
The next day, the minister said, "I'm thirsty," and
stepped out of the boat.
He then walked on water and also took a drink from a
booth on the beach.
On the third day, the rabbi said, "I'm thirsty".
But as soon as he stepped out of the boat, he drowned.
The minister looked at the priest and said, "Think we
shoulda told him where the rocks were?"
in a boat together.
One day, the priest said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out
of the boat.
He then walked on water and took a drink from a booth
on the beach.
The next day, the minister said, "I'm thirsty," and
stepped out of the boat.
He then walked on water and also took a drink from a
booth on the beach.
On the third day, the rabbi said, "I'm thirsty".
But as soon as he stepped out of the boat, he drowned.
The minister looked at the priest and said, "Think we
shoulda told him where the rocks were?"
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* After I spoke at a grade-school assembly about
veterans, a student asked, "Were you ever in a war?"
"Yes, two" I said. "The Second World War and Korea."
The student's follow-up question:
"Which war did you like best?"
veterans, a student asked, "Were you ever in a war?"
"Yes, two" I said. "The Second World War and Korea."
The student's follow-up question:
"Which war did you like best?"
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* After the dentist pulled my tooth out, he said,
"I'm afraid that is going to cost you $300."
I said, "What? You said it would be 75 bucks!"
He said, "I know, but your screaming scared three of
my patients away."
"I'm afraid that is going to cost you $300."
I said, "What? You said it would be 75 bucks!"
He said, "I know, but your screaming scared three of
my patients away."
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Todays Thought:
Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great
social changes are impossible without feminine
upheaval.
Social progress can be measured exactly by the social
position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.- Karl Marx
social changes are impossible without feminine
upheaval.
Social progress can be measured exactly by the social
position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.- Karl Marx
Rae's Trivia....
The king cobra is the biggest of all poisonous snakes
and can grow over 13 feet long.
A bite from a king cobra can kill an elephant in 4 hours.
and can grow over 13 feet long.
A bite from a king cobra can kill an elephant in 4 hours.
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