Hot, hot weather coming Wednesday...
Really high temps and humidity...
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Hungry? how about a
Philly steak and cheese?
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You make a good bookend.....
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Nah, you look to be an expert....
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Damn, I got cheated...all I got was a bill......
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You win, I don't have time for this.....
You wanna eat don't ya.......
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Oh, no, not that......She loves cats....
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Good...me neither.....
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You ain't right.......
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Yep....I hear you now.........
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Yep, I have the same problem...
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I'll leave on this one......
But Damn....
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♥♥♥
* Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair,
but she declined on account of she had taken a vow
abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
He wanted to take her to the county fair,
but she declined on account of she had taken a vow
abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
☺
* An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client
commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at
night.
Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes, says Sam...... "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an
80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad.
Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon.
How far is that?"
The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client
commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at
night.
Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes, says Sam...... "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an
80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad.
Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon.
How far is that?"
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* What did the Yogi say when he walked into the
Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a
$20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill.
The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a
$20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill.
The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
☺
* A cowboy was walking down the street with his new
pet dachshund.
The passerby asked him why a cowboy would own that
kind of dog.
The cowboy answered, "Well, somebody told me to get
along little doggie."
pet dachshund.
The passerby asked him why a cowboy would own that
kind of dog.
The cowboy answered, "Well, somebody told me to get
along little doggie."
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* A Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket.
The store attendant says 'Well, what does your mother
look like?'
The kid says "How should I know?......"
The store attendant says 'Well, what does your mother
look like?'
The kid says "How should I know?......"
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* One day my three-year-old daughter asked when her
birthday was.
Knowing that the date April 14, would mean nothing to
her, I said, "It's either just before or just after Easter"
"Great," she said to me.
"You don't know when my birthday is either."
* One day my three-year-old daughter asked when her
birthday was.
Knowing that the date April 14, would mean nothing to
her, I said, "It's either just before or just after Easter"
"Great," she said to me.
"You don't know when my birthday is either."
☺
* After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and
some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer
needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the
needle on her record player.
Knowing she was not that technically astute,
I called her a few days later to see how she was
managing.
"Fine, I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said.
"The whole CD?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "just one side."
some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer
needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the
needle on her record player.
Knowing she was not that technically astute,
I called her a few days later to see how she was
managing.
"Fine, I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said.
"The whole CD?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "just one side."
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* My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco.
She asked the individual behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
taco.
She asked the individual behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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* Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour.
One night a man phoned, waking me up.
"I'm sorry to bother you so late," he said, "But I think
my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his
wife's inflamed appendix out a couple of years before.
"Whoever heard of a second appendix? I asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix,"
he replied, "but surely you've heard of a second wife."
One night a man phoned, waking me up.
"I'm sorry to bother you so late," he said, "But I think
my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his
wife's inflamed appendix out a couple of years before.
"Whoever heard of a second appendix? I asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix,"
he replied, "but surely you've heard of a second wife."
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* KNOCK KNOCK
Who's is there?
Dishes....
Dishes who?
Dishes the police, come out with your hands up.
Who's is there?
Dishes....
Dishes who?
Dishes the police, come out with your hands up.
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* A drunk walked into a dentist's office and said,
" Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist.
You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
" Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist.
You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
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Pete's thought for today......
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man;
if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
Rae's trivia....
The 1947 World Series brought in television’s first
mass audience.
It was carried in New York, Philadelphia, Schenectady,
and Washington, D.C., and was seen by an estimated
3.9 million people, with 3.5 million of them watching in
pubs and bars.
mass audience.
It was carried in New York, Philadelphia, Schenectady,
and Washington, D.C., and was seen by an estimated
3.9 million people, with 3.5 million of them watching in
pubs and bars.
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