had a great holiday weekend.... and not eat to much...
We spent a lot of time on the deck watching the
Hummers......
☼
Here ya go 'Pete' make one like this......
Cool huh??
☼
This is the way I used to do cook outs.....
☼
But I'd wind up like this....... ha-ha....
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Another one down that 'Lost Highway"??
☼
Gotta keep the beer cold!!...
☼
You got yourself in there, now you gets yourself out....
☼
Sounds about right...
Need to set up outside Walmart, like the others....
☼
Yep, I think you need to step it up....
☼
Yep, that'll do it.....
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I think someone's in a heap of trouble.....
☼
Damn truck is so tall, I can't get in it.....
Any one got a ladder??
☼
☼
♥♥♥
* It was a happy occasion at NASA; they had just made
the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne,
Dr. Oppenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked
everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory
phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
"Mr. President," said Dr. Oppenstein, grinning broadly,
"after 12 years of hard research and billions of dollars
spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually
disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, "But that's impossible ... we could never do it.
Yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him
curiously.
"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said
that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars,
he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne,
Dr. Oppenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked
everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory
phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
"Mr. President," said Dr. Oppenstein, grinning broadly,
"after 12 years of hard research and billions of dollars
spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually
disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, "But that's impossible ... we could never do it.
Yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him
curiously.
"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said
that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars,
he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
☼
* A guy in a night club sees a big ugly girl at the bar.
He walks up to her and asks... "have you got a pen?"
she looks up, smiles and excitedly says, "yes!".
"Well" the guy says, "you better get back to it then
before the Farmer notices your missing".
He walks up to her and asks... "have you got a pen?"
she looks up, smiles and excitedly says, "yes!".
"Well" the guy says, "you better get back to it then
before the Farmer notices your missing".
☼
* On the first day of school a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents.'
teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents.'
☼
* A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible...
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
* A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible...
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
☼
* While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old
daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances
of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
☼
* I did some work for a wealthy guy in a big house.
While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free.
When I went to go, the man slipped something into
my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me."
When I got to my van, I discovered that he'd given
me a tea bag......
* I did some work for a wealthy guy in a big house.
While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free.
When I went to go, the man slipped something into
my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me."
When I got to my van, I discovered that he'd given
me a tea bag......
☼
* Cat Prayer...............
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To NEVER tell a human that
The world is really ruled by CATS!
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To NEVER tell a human that
The world is really ruled by CATS!
☼
~ Two Nuns Were Shopping At A 7-11 Store.
As They Passed By The Beer Cooler, One Nun Said To
The Other, "wouldn't A Nice Cool Beer Or Two Taste
Wonderful On A Hot Summer Evening?"
The Second Nun Answered, "indeed It Would, Sister,
But I Would Not Feel Comfortable Buying Beer, Since
I Am Certain It Would Cause A Scene At The Checkout
Stand."
"i Can Handle That Without A Problem" The Other Nun
Replied, And She Picked Up A Six-pack And Headed
For The Check-out.
The Cashier Had A Surprised Look On His Face When
The Two Nuns Arrived With A Six-pack Of Beer.
"we Use Beer For Washing Our Hair" The Nun Said,
"back At Our Nunnery, We Call It Catholic Shampoo.
Without Blinking An Eye, The Cashier Reached Under
The Counter.
Pulled Out A Package Of Pretzel Sticks, And Placed
Them In The Bag With The Beer.
He Then Looked The Nun Straight In The Eye, Smiled,
And Said: "the Curlers Are On The House."
As They Passed By The Beer Cooler, One Nun Said To
The Other, "wouldn't A Nice Cool Beer Or Two Taste
Wonderful On A Hot Summer Evening?"
The Second Nun Answered, "indeed It Would, Sister,
But I Would Not Feel Comfortable Buying Beer, Since
I Am Certain It Would Cause A Scene At The Checkout
Stand."
"i Can Handle That Without A Problem" The Other Nun
Replied, And She Picked Up A Six-pack And Headed
For The Check-out.
The Cashier Had A Surprised Look On His Face When
The Two Nuns Arrived With A Six-pack Of Beer.
"we Use Beer For Washing Our Hair" The Nun Said,
"back At Our Nunnery, We Call It Catholic Shampoo.
Without Blinking An Eye, The Cashier Reached Under
The Counter.
Pulled Out A Package Of Pretzel Sticks, And Placed
Them In The Bag With The Beer.
He Then Looked The Nun Straight In The Eye, Smiled,
And Said: "the Curlers Are On The House."
☼
~ The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.
"You know you're past your prime," she said, "when
you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair."
~ The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.
"You know you're past your prime," she said, "when
you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair."
☼
~ During an antiharassment seminar at work, I asked,
"What's the difference between harassment and
good-natured teasing?"
A coworker shouted, "A million dollars."
"What's the difference between harassment and
good-natured teasing?"
A coworker shouted, "A million dollars."
☼
☼
Todays Thought:
It's important that people should know what you
stand for.
It's equally important that they know what you won't
stand for.
stand for.
It's equally important that they know what you won't
stand for.
Rae's Trivia....
The combined strength of all the hairs on one human
head (when woven into a rope) can support the weight
of about 400 people...
head (when woven into a rope) can support the weight
of about 400 people...
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