I'm reading 75.4º now... chance of storms this evening...
cooling of tomorrow....
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A cloudy sunrise from sometime ago....
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Hot cakes this morning,Pete??
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Is he in the Book too....??
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Yeah, I thought it was funny too...
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Bullies!... She don't like Blonde jokes....
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Oh, now, he's a good parent.....
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Any body home??
Looking for breakfast.....
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Tony's golf pardner......
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You just know this is gonna hurt...........
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I got a good deal on a Camper.....
Ain't it cool.....
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Well, I'll leave you with this pic...
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♥♥♥
* Pete had been going to the same restaurant for ten
years.
Every day he starts with the same thing, barley soup.
One day, as soon as he comes in the waiter brings the
soup over to his table.
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete says as the waiter
starts to walk away.
"What's the matter?" the waiter asks,
"Every day you take the same barley soup."
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete repeats.
"You don't want the barley soup?" the waiter says,
"I'll bring you something else."
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete says once more.
"Okay, okay, I'll taste the barley soup," says the waiter,
wearily, "Where's the spoon?"
"Aha!"
years.
Every day he starts with the same thing, barley soup.
One day, as soon as he comes in the waiter brings the
soup over to his table.
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete says as the waiter
starts to walk away.
"What's the matter?" the waiter asks,
"Every day you take the same barley soup."
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete repeats.
"You don't want the barley soup?" the waiter says,
"I'll bring you something else."
"I want you to taste the soup," Pete says once more.
"Okay, okay, I'll taste the barley soup," says the waiter,
wearily, "Where's the spoon?"
"Aha!"
☼
* The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother
and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me,
sympathy?"
and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me,
sympathy?"
☼
* Two Engineers agree to paint a flag pole.
Of course they need to know how tall it is so they can
purchase the paint.
One shimmies up the pole with a tape measure and
falls after reaching about half way.
While trying to figure out how they can possibly measure
the pole along comes a Designer.
After asking what they're doing he replies, "that s easy".
He then reaches around the pole and pulls it out of the
ground and lays it down.
"There you go", he said as he walked away.
The two Engineers look at each other and one said
"that stupid guy will never get anywhere, we don't need
to know how wide it is,........ just how tall".
Of course they need to know how tall it is so they can
purchase the paint.
One shimmies up the pole with a tape measure and
falls after reaching about half way.
While trying to figure out how they can possibly measure
the pole along comes a Designer.
After asking what they're doing he replies, "that s easy".
He then reaches around the pole and pulls it out of the
ground and lays it down.
"There you go", he said as he walked away.
The two Engineers look at each other and one said
"that stupid guy will never get anywhere, we don't need
to know how wide it is,........ just how tall".
☼
* A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115" she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5"
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman
it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in
here I was tall and slender!..... Now I'm short and fat!"
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115" she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5"
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman
it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in
here I was tall and slender!..... Now I'm short and fat!"
☼
* My wife went to the doctor's about her weight.
After all the checks he said, "I've got something to help
you but you'll need to take them every meal time."
"What are they, diet pills?" she asked expectantly.
"No," he replied, "smaller mouthfuls."
After all the checks he said, "I've got something to help
you but you'll need to take them every meal time."
"What are they, diet pills?" she asked expectantly.
"No," he replied, "smaller mouthfuls."
☼
* Once upon a time there were three sisters,
ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.
One night the 96 year old ran a bath.
She put one foot in and paused.
"Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.
The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know.
I'll come and see."
She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted,
"Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sister’s shook her head and said,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on
wood for good measure. Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as
soon as I see who's at the door."
ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.
One night the 96 year old ran a bath.
She put one foot in and paused.
"Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.
The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know.
I'll come and see."
She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted,
"Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sister’s shook her head and said,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on
wood for good measure. Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as
soon as I see who's at the door."
☼
* In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train
smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred
yards down the track.
Though no one was killed, the driver took the train
company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the
driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and
forth for nearly a minute.
He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how
he'd done it.
The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
“Congratulations,” the lawyer said to the engineer when
it was over.
“You did superbly under cross-examination.”
“Thanks,” he said, “but he sure had me worried.”
“How's that?” the lawyer asked.
“I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”
smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred
yards down the track.
Though no one was killed, the driver took the train
company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the
driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and
forth for nearly a minute.
He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how
he'd done it.
The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
“Congratulations,” the lawyer said to the engineer when
it was over.
“You did superbly under cross-examination.”
“Thanks,” he said, “but he sure had me worried.”
“How's that?” the lawyer asked.
“I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”
☼
* A large two engined train was crossing America.
After they had gone some distance one of the engines
broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at
half power.
Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down,
and the train slowed to a dead stop.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers
about why the train had stopped, and made the
following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and
some bad news.
The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we
will be stuck here for some time.
The good news is that you decided to take the train and
not fly."
After they had gone some distance one of the engines
broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at
half power.
Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down,
and the train slowed to a dead stop.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers
about why the train had stopped, and made the
following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and
some bad news.
The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we
will be stuck here for some time.
The good news is that you decided to take the train and
not fly."
☼
* Two rednecks are sitting on the front porch.
One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15
times a night?"
"Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"
One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15
times a night?"
"Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"
☼
* A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse
open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for
indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left
the baby on the bus again!"
* A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse
open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for
indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left
the baby on the bus again!"
☼
* A recent study found that 35% of men have been
injured while undoing a woman's bra.
That's correct......
While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise,
men have received strained tendons, scratches, and
other similar injuries.
Actually, I can vouch for that.
I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra.
When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout
line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.
injured while undoing a woman's bra.
That's correct......
While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise,
men have received strained tendons, scratches, and
other similar injuries.
Actually, I can vouch for that.
I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra.
When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout
line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.
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Pete's Thought of the day:
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown
Rita Mae Brown
Rae's Trivia....
Piercing isn’t some new punk fad.
From earliest times, people pierced their ears, nose,
nipples, and navel, as the holes produced were thought
to release demons from the body.
From earliest times, people pierced their ears, nose,
nipples, and navel, as the holes produced were thought
to release demons from the body.
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