Thursday, May 19, 2011

Good Morning....Well, we're under a flood watch...
The small creeks might flood... ours was up
yesterday.... Hopefully a good day today....


Oh no...not that....
How will I get the blog out??

I wondered who was drinking my milk.....
You ain't right.....

Not yet... are you hungry??
We're having broccoli..

Looks like you have ate too much Broccoli.....

Took to a  beer diet...Huh?

Looks like a mean bunch.........

Oh, No....I'm running....


Taking pictures are ya....

You need to control your anger....
Just because you don't like Broccoli........

Time to leave....

♥♥♥

~~ Holding out his little hand, my four-year-old said to
me, "Dad, what kind of bug is this?"
"A ladybug," I told him.
"Wow," he said, impressed.
"You have good eyes."


~~  Years ago, my cousin Donna worked for a light-bulb
factory. 
One day, an older co-worker advised her to fill her pockets
with the rubber finger protectors they used, because they
were hard to come by.
The day after, when my aunt was doing my cousin's
laundry, she found a handful of tiny rubber "condoms"
in a pocket.
"Donna," my aunt called sternly, "I have something to
talk to you about." She pointed to the condoms she had
laid out on the bed.
Donna laughed and said, "Mom, these are not what you
think they are. 
Look at the size!"
My aunt blushed, had a laugh and then asked for a
handful for herself to help with her sewing.


~~  As part of our classroom routine, I check my
students' math homework. 
Given the subjective nature of the answers for one day's
assignment, the answers in the back of the textbook read,
"Answers may vary."
As I checked one student's work, I asked whether she had
copied the answers from the text.
"No!" she boldly declared. 
I was left speechless, as her answer to every question
was: "My answer varies."


~~  Following a terrible fall, my cousin Peter was in a coma. 
Weeks later, he finally came out of it.
"Peter," said his wife, "how do you feel?"
Slowly looking around at the hoses, tubes, wires and monitors attached
to his body, he responded weakly, "Overaccessorized."

~~  When he blew a wad of money at my blackjack
table in the casino, a customer stood up and yelled,
"How do you lose $200 at a $2 table?!"
Before I could speak, another customer replied,
"Patience."


~~  As a new paratrooper, I was struck by all the T-shirts
on base emblazoned with the motto"Death from above!"
 Later I noticed a submariner with a T-shirt that declared
"Death from below!"
Then, standing in line for chow one day, I was served by
an Army cook.
His T-shirt had a skull with a crossed fork and spoon
underneath and yet another warning:
"Death from within!"


~~  A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy
life and practice his hobby of yard work.
Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one.
On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for
sale.
He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to
greet him.
The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid
said it was behind the house.
The two went to look at the lawn mower.
The engine was sputtering along at idle speed.
The preacher increased the speed of the engine and
mowed a few strips.
Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled
on a price of $25.00.
 Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle
when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter
rope.
The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes.
He asked, "What's wrong?"
 The reply came, "I can't get this mower started.
Do you know how?"
The kid said, "Yep."
"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.
The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."
The preacher rose up indignantly.
"Now you listen here.
I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have,
I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."
 With a wise look on his face well beyond his years,
the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope
and it'll all come back to ya."


~~  One Sunday a cowboy went to church.
When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were
the only ones present.
 The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go
ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed
my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
 So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half
hours.
The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the
cowboy how he liked the sermon.
 The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart,
but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up,
I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."



~~  While waiting in line at the bank, Pete developed a
very loud case of hiccups.
By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups
seemed to have worsened.
 The teller took Pete's check and proceeded to run a
computer verification of his account.
After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a
frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
 "Why not?" Pete asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates
that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount.
As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show
your account overdrawn in excess of $5,000."
 "It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his
cash..... "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

 ☼
Todays Thought: "A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her
boots on."


Rae's Trivia....From the early Roman Empire until eighteenth-century
Europe and America, urine was a main ingredient in
toothpaste, because the ammonia in it is an excellent cleaner.
Ammonia is still a main ingredient in many types of toothpaste.





1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww that trivia conjured up all sorts of mental pictures and a few (unprintable) remarks :^)
Rae x