Good Morning, Friends and neighbors...
I'm reading 26º this morning....
Going to be a heat wave for the next couple days..
In the 50's, but....snow Wednesday....
Petewete, get the long ladder out, and plug
them holes!!
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Whats that got to do with the price of tea in China??
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That's a mean lookin Hard Roll....
"Watch that knife" you might cut yourself...
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Hungry, are you??
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Yep, cats like Boxes... to play in....
Don't believe me? stick your hand in.....
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He wanted that cheeseburger......
Why the dog??
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Who wants to out stare a Goat??
What kinda deal is that??
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Wow! What can I say...Wrong so many ways....
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How you like my new paint job?
Cool Huh?
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♥♥♥
~~ "It's been widely reported that the meat content of Taco Bell's ground beef is only 36 percent, which explains their new slogan: 'Think Outside the Cow.'" -Conan O'Brien
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~~ A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a
TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have
never met?
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man
you don't know makes a touchdown.
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~~ A blonde came home from her first day commuting into
the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and
asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," the blonde replied.
I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said.
"Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to
switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
(Blonde?)
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~~ "A married man should forget his mistakes;
no use two people remembering the same thing."
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~~Airline pilots wanted in New York with strong religous
beliefs.....
Successful candidates will be required to balance on the
wings of their aircraft
and an ability to walk on water would be an advantage !
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~~ Food for Thought ......
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved
through suitable application of high explosives.
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~~ One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor
at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess
hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line,
he sat them down and told them,
"There are three rules in this mess hall:
Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention,
he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors,
60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
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~~ A few women were sitting around the table talking,
and the subject turned to their husbands.
One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me,
I think he's going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed
that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going
to end up in Hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about
themselves.
One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to
Heaven."
Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing.
I won't make it unless I mend my ways and I better start soon."
At this point they noticed that one of the ladies
(the only single women in the group, and a blonde mind you)
wasn't saying anything.
They turned to her and said "You're such a nice lady,
surely you'll be going to Heaven?"
She says "No way!
In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a
ticket straight to Hell!"
They were shocked and asked, "Why??"
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men,
do you?"
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~~ A pastor received a box of goodies addressed to his
wife and himself from an elderly lady in the church.
Inside the box was this note...
"Dear Pastor, I know that you do not like sweets,
so I am sending this candy to your wife -- and nuts to you."
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~~ A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to R-ville to claim it and the man verifies his ticket
number.
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir.
It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no.
I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explains that he would only get a million
that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out,
"Look, I want my money!
If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now,
then I want my dollar back!"
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~~ Petewete walked over to the perfume counter and told
the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's
birthday.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered Petewete.
"She's expecting a cruise."
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Todays Thought: The truth never hurts unless it ought to.
Rae's Trivia.... Why don't cashews come in shells?
Cashew nuts are expensive, and never have shells because
the shell and skin of the cashew nut contains extremely
caustic oil that can painfully blister the skin.
This dangerous oil must be completely removed before the
nut can be touched or eaten.
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I never realised that about cashews, I love them. I looked it up and they're the same family as poison ivy!!!
ReplyDeleteLove the blonde jokes :-)
Rae x