weather wise.... a good breeze.....
No clouds, so no good sunrise pictures....
☼
But I got this one of the cows taking a shade break.
Got this one driving along....
☼
Corn-Dog pizza for breakfast??
☼
Or how about Petes Favorite....
Bacon cupcake sandwich....
washed down with "Wild Turkey"??
☼
Hey! Man, pull them up......
"Pants on the ground"
☼
Yep...pee on it......
☼
Coat hanger......
Nice!
☼
Damn it!.....I told you to close the door.....
You stink up the whole house.....
☼
I'm not gonna say a word......
Keeping my mouth closed...
☼
"On the road again, we're on the road again"...
☼
I gotta go after this one......
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.
Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up. ☼
~~ This guy goes into the dentist office for root
canal work.
He gets into the chair and the dentist says that he wants
to give him some Novacane.
The guy says "Listen Doc. I have felt real pain twice in
my life and you can't come close to that."
The Dentist says "This is really going to hurt so I suggest..."
The guy says "Forget about it Doc.
Just do what you have to do.
The Doctor says "OK but I have to ask about when you
first felt real pain."
The guy says "Well, the first time was when I was driving
at night in the backwoods of Vermont and I had to go to
the bathroom real bad.
So I pulled over, got out of the car, walked into the woods,
dropped my pants, crouched down to let one go and
Damn if it didn't set off a bear trap between my legs.
It got my privates real good Doc.
That was the first time I felt real pain."
The Doctor said "I have to ask.
When was the second time you felt pain?"
He said, "Doc, when the chain ran out."
☼
~~ Included in a high-school religion exam I handed out
was the following question: "What is a sin of omission?"
One student's answer wasn't exactly on target,
but it was close.
He wrote. "A sin I should have committed but didn't."
☼
~~ Gus had to call the X-ray department of the local
hospital.
The harried worker asked for his name and then asked for
his date of death.
I'm sorry, "Gus said, "I don't have that information,
and I don't believe I can call you back when I do get it."
☼
~~ One day when I began opening a bag of chips, both
my 16-month-old daughter, Hannah, and our dog came
running. “Chips! Chips! Chips!” yelled Hannah.
I had been trying to teach her to say please so,
with the dog waiting patiently at my heels,
I took out a chip and said, “Say please, Hannah.”
The dog barked.
This happened over and over, until I decided to get
rid of the dog by giving it a chip.
I turned back to Hannah, took a chip from the bag and
once again said, “Say please, Hannah.”
She looked up hopefully and replied, “Woof!”
☼
~~ A gorgeous white convertible pulled up
next to our parked car.
"How did that woman get such a pretty car?"
my daughter asked.
I recognized the driver and said,
"Her husband's a pilot.
He must make a good salary."
"That's what I want to be," she said.
"Really, a pilot?"
"No, I want to be married to one."
☼
~~ My dad and I were shovelling the driveway after a
heavy snowfall when our dog, Lady,
wandered away from us.
Dad, fearing the dog might be hit by a car, shouted angrily:
"Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!"
The dog charged happily back over to us, accompanied
by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop.
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.
☼
~~ The problem - There's a box with a hole at each
end and there's a rabbit in the box.
The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end,
and a minute later he sticks it out the other end.
Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite
end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end
opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later. ...
etc., etc.
How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head
out of both ends of the box at the same time?
In theory, two minutes.
In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares.
☼
~~ Isaac Bashevis Singer (Nobel Prize recipient--1978)
was once asked why he was a vegetarian:
"Is it for religious or health considerations?"
"It is," he replied, "out of consideration for the chicken."
☼
~~ One day British actor and playwright Samuel Foote
(1720-1777) and a number of friends found themselves
discussing a certain woman who, despite an early history
of sexual intrigue, had been blessed with a long and
blissful marriage.
Her matrimonial success, they decided, was attributable
to her remarkable candor: she had, apparently,
confessed each of her previous affairs to her husband
before their union.
"What candor!" one man enthused.
"What courage!" said another.
"Yes," Foote agreed....... "And what a memory!"
☼
~~ My wife's family was cooing over our newborn when
someone mentioned that the baby looked like me.
"Don't worry," said my mother-in-law, "she'll change."
☼
~~ With fire alarms blaring at my mom's apartment
complex, she grabbed her favorite bathing suit and
ran out.
"A bathing suit?" I said later.
"Of all the priceless things in that apartment,
that's what you chose to save?"
"Material things come and go," she said with a shrug.
"But a one- piece suit that doesn't make you look fat is
impossible to replace."
☼
☼
Todays Thought: "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." (Mark Twain)
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☺☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
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