Has been good weather here...but we need rain...
The creeks are drying up..... cows are going to get thirsty..
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These guys sharing breakfast.......
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Was walking in the woods and came across
these bears guarding their stash....ha-ha.
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Nope! and quit tearing up my screen....
You let the flies in.....
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Yep, gotta keep them stright.....
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Play in the water, but won't take a bath?..
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Looks like someone was partying last night....
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Pete....I got took again....
I got this drill at a cheap place, for a good price,
But it doesn't work right.
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And a company car?? WoW!
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♥♥♥
~~ A banker fell over board from a boat.
His friends couldn't find a life preserver.
One asked, "Can you float alone?"
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~~ A man was complaining to a friend:
'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,
a big car, the love of a beautiful woman -
and then, BAM!, it was all gone!'
'What happened?' asked his friend.
'My wife found out...'
☼
~~ Ole walks into Sven's barn and catches
him doing a sexy striptease to a large red piece
of machinery.
Ole says "what da heck are ya doing Sven?"
Sven replies, "Vell, Ole, me an dah misses
haven't been gettin on lately and dat dere
therapist recommended I do something sexy
to a tractor."
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~~ I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support
groups for visually- impaired adults.
Many participants have a condition known as
macular degeneration, which makes it very difficult
for them to distinguish facial features.
I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able
to see me well, I jokingly said,
"For those of you who can't see me,
I've been told that I look like a cross between
Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio."
Immediately, one woman called out,
"We're not THAT blind!"
☼
~~ Pete goes along to the Patent Office with some
of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new
invention.
It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk.
"What do you call it?"
"A fottle."
"A fottle?
That's a stupid name.
Can you think of something else?"
"I can think about it.
I've got something else though.
It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton."
"That's rude.
You can't possibly call it that."
"In that case," says Pete,
"You're really going to hate the name of my
folding bucket."
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~~ By the time you find greener pastures,
you can't climb over the fence.
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~~ Why do ducks have flat feet?
From stomping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From stomping out flaming ducks.
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~~ Someone once said that I should always
treat other people how I would like to be treated...
Great, Now I'm facing sexual harassment
charges!
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~~ AVOIDABLE (uh-voy'-duh-buhl'):
What a bullfighter tries to do.
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~~ Restaurant Specialty.......
Waiter to customer: "Our specialty is snails."
"I know.....
One of them served me the last time I was here!"
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~~ Andrew, our four-year-old grandson, wanted
a banana.
I gave him half, to make sure he would eat it,
and when he finished it, I asked him if he wanted
the other half.
"No thanks," Logan replied.
"I'll wait for them to turn green."
I explained to him that they start out green and then
get brown spots as they ripen.
Sighing, Logan put his face in his hands and said.
"Then I'll wait until they turn into banana bread."
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~~ The photo in the newspaper was of a squad car
parked next to a small airplane that had made an
emergency landing on a highway.
My 15-year-old daughter was impressed:
"How did that cop get the plane to pull over?"
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Todays Thought: Laughing increases life longevity, stress reduces it.
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